WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A WOMAN EARNS MORE THAN HER MAN! SHENAAZ HUSAIN SPEAKS ON EGO MANAGEMENT WITH THE SPOUSE!

 

SHENAAZ HUSAIN ON LOVE MARRIAGE & EARNING MORE THAN HER SPOUSE- HOW DOES IT WORK?

It would be incorrect to presume that men don't feel uncomfortable when their woman earns more. Or has a more powerful job than her man. In traditional relationships especially in our country a man tends to feel very uncomfortable, even threatened. There are definitely adjustment issues. Can you imagine a woman who puts in a fourteen hour day at work doing the laundry?  Roles have to then be redistributed and yet few men would take kindly to that .

When Shenaaz Husain, pioneer entrepreneur in the world of herbal beauty built an empire, she had to do a lot to ensure that her relationship and work stayed harmonious. Especially since the route up had not been easy.

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Anger Management Tricks & How to stay calm!

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Several news channels dissected Shahrukh Khans reaction to an intransigent guard at the cricket stadium, and I was asked what I’d felt. It was only then that I sat to analyze anger and temper tantrums and what they have to do with being right or wrong. My take is that Shahrukh was not wrong about his chagrin and protectiveness for his child, but that his scuffle had given an upper hand to some people in the press and publicity hungry people who wanted to feed off his vulnerability and brush with his fame.

An actor known for his philanthropy and intrinsic goodness, is also unfortunately known for his bad temper. Salman khan.  Some episodes include his outbursts at the organizers of the Celebrity Cricket League for  not providing him with proper security while he was attending a cricket match. Another was while shooting for an ad film where he got upset at Shahrukh Khan when requested to redo a scene with a different facial expression, and 

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Mother-In-Law Trouble? SOLVE IT NOW!

A difficult Mother–In-Law Situation? 

Yes! You can Handle it!

I could hardly understand the rush of words pouring out at the other end of the phone. Renuka was furious with her mother-in-law’s admonishment, delivered in a superior tone of voice and very disapprovingly toward her.  Direction, interference, disapproval, unkindness. She couldn't take it anymore and had fought with her spouse because it was ‘his mother’. He was the cause of it all, her unreasonable anger declared.

“Are you buddies other than when you’re not getting along?” I queried. “Yes, when we’re not arguing –which is rare” she admitted grudgingly.

 Big mistake, I said, to her utter surprise. She’s not your 'buddy'. The truth is that you cannot be ‘buddies’ except in rare cases, and the sooner you begin to realize it the faster your relationship can flower into a semblance of mutual respect. 

Distance, mutual respect, space and formality is the KEY! 

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Madhur Bhandarkar on 'calender-girls', Sex, Women, Bollywood & Life...

Madhur Bhandarkar With Columnist Nisha JamVwal

Madhur Bhandarkar, a man of many shades, all ambitious, interesting, observant and real! He is a good friend and a keenly observant film-maker. I remember a dinner party of mine, where he just stood like a fly on the wall and focusedly noticed interactions, hardly participating. He just moved around, looking, drinking in the ambiance and making mental notes. Post which he had churned out 'Page-3'. I was riveted by some real-life sequences in the film.  I even did a tiny cameo for him in that film. Today he's working on 'Calender-girls' and enjoying working with a bevy of beautiful newcomers. Thats the beauty of Maddy as I call him affectionately. I've known him for years, nothing changes him, from his humble beginnings to today, hes as comfortable at a tiny quaint fish lunch joint as he is at a rooftop gourmet fine dining restaurant. 

With women falling all over themselves to act in his films, keen to 'hang out ' with him, Madhur manages to keep his personal life very steady. He has had his share of controversy but his own home and relationship stays unscathed.
Friendship and camaraderie in a marriage can blow over the biggest storms that a relationship goes through in its journey. You just sail though tumultuous rocky weather without imminent shipwreck, and Madhur Bhandarkar is a great example of this. 

Severe allegations and court cases thrown at him by a struggling starlet through the last few year didn’t chink his fortress, instead it stood tall. This apart from all the hot stars that he’s been linked to.

“I don't believe in elitism. I don't think the audience is this dumb person lower than me. I am the audience”- Quentin Tarentino ….Madhur quotes his hero to me several times through our chat over Malvani fish, crabs and shrimp. Touted as ‘one of the directors who explore social issues especially in and around Bombay, Madhur has shown the murkier side of society, the underbelly of Bombay. Visibly enjoying his long innings and national awards, his marriage, his daughter, he is unfazed by rumours and linkups with leading ladies from ‘Bollywood’. 

What according to Madhur keeps his marriage from breaking up, when the newspapers have linked the names of Raveena, Tabu, Mughda Godse with his? 

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Falling In Love With Your Best Friends Lover

Falling in Love with your best friend's spouse or partner  Is It Possible?

Is it doable? Should one sacrifice one’s friendship at the alter of romance? Should one work at saving the love that is lost to the best friend?

Just yesterday I inaugurated a book, the central theme of which is a girl falling in love with her best friend's boyfriend.

Does this really happen I wondered, I mean, isn't it something that is improbable considering the person who is already taken is someone not worth wasting your time with? When I went deeper into my memory, I realized that this in fact commonplace! It happens all around us all the time.  

The debate that resulted in the audience at the book reading where I released the book was quite something. I was surprised when the debate became very involved with the audience that had come for the book reading vociferously discussing the subject. People shot questions galore on this malady and I had to think on my feet-

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Karishma Kapoor Tried To Patch Up! Is It Possible Really?

Working At A Broken Relationship: Is it worth it? Or Should One Let Go? Karishma Kapoor & Sonu Nigam have the tenacity to try........

 Is It Possible to Work A Broken Relationship

A while ago, Sonu Nigam was furious with speculation about his marriage. But the fact is that there had been a breakdown of conjugal harmony, his wife had returned to her maternal home and speculation about divorce was rife with reason. An upset Sonu had acknowledged "It's a very routine situation and I'm working on it. I know my wife and I can solve the problem ......” 

And solve it he did. Kudos then to him for making an effort and working it in a scenario when people so easily give up and are more than happy to survey the greener grass on the other side (sides). The bottom line is more people -like Sonu- should work at a relationship than give up so easliy...

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"Bringing Up Kids Is Challenging"

Soni Razdaan On The Challenges of Bringing-up Alia Bhatt & Shaheen Bhatt

@nishjamvwal

“Bringing up kids in today's world is challenging full stop  period !!!” says actor Soni Razdaan with her typical jest intertwined with  serious undertone, about her girls Shaheen and the new kid on the Bollywood  block -Alia Bhatt.

A mother daughter relationship to me has always been intriguing, mainly because of the complexities of my own relationship with a tiger mom. I do believe she’ll agree with Soni wholeheartedly. 


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Choosing Your Friends Smartly- Salman Khan & Govinda are not rare examples & Friendship is not extinct!

Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families Tennessee Williams @nishjamvwal A disappointed crony confided in me about her disillusionment with her close friend. “I hadn't allowed myself to see the flaws, assuming that they’ll go away or I convinced myself that they didn't exist. So what does one look for in a good, abiding friend Nisha ? she asked , not wanting to make the same mistake again. "One that doesn't become a liability, but is a source of succor and joy?” she said. That set me thinking!

 To me, living in the world of Luxury, the media and the Glamour set I must admit that I have often felt like the victim of agenda. I feel like a great target for upwardly mobile wannabe’s with agendas as well as publicity hungry sharks. 

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Love Affair Gone Sour? Heal & Move On! Like Ranbir Kapoor did?!

 Forgetting The Past & Moving On

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Nisha JamVwal 

You wake up and you bbm your lover. The last thought you sleep with is that intimate moment you just shared. And then boom, least expected, it’s all gone up in the air and you’ve split up, no longer dating or married or together. It’s ended. It’s bitter. You hate each other more than anyone else in your life. That same person, whom you prayed for, wished for, ate from the same plate with you now feel such a strong revulsion toward. And yet you cannot move on? You’re mentally clinging on. -Hate is another form of love, isn’t it? So how then should you forget the past and move on, close the door on the bitterness and let in the healing breezes of a new love affair? You cannot can you? With the past clinging on?

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Life, Trauma, Questions & Alexander McQueen

"The Good life is not a place you arrive at. It is a lens you bring to the place you are at right now"

Just yesterday I wore an Alexander McQueen backless dress and felt beautiful in what was a most ingeniously created work of art. In its construction and conception. Must take a beautiful mind to have conjured this I wondered, and then my mind began to ask what made this acclaimed creative genius said to be worth twenty million pounds, commit suicide at 45 at his stunning  two million pound flat in Mayfair, central London? He was doing work he liked, achieved recognition, success, money, fame, adulation and was one of the greatest creative geniuses of our times. Not enough reason to endure living? Are there further barriers to the elusive state called happiness? 

One hint perhaps, was, critics opined, an obsession with the 'Afterlife' that came across in his work. Did he see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, on the other side from life? Perhaps!

The ostensible reason was that the fashion designer – high on cocaine- slashed his wrists with a ceremonial dagger on the eve of mum Joyce's funeral was the grief of her parting. 

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Loving, learning, working with (than Against) Our India

The Empire Strikes Back

* Globalization with a Proud Indian Heart!

@nishjamvwal

Are we still living in the Raj? I mean in our heads? Sycophants to foreign brands? Bowing and scraping to the white sahibs and scoffing at Indian people, brands, cars, clothes? 

Did we not learn a hard, bitter lesson all those years ago, with the Britt’s treating us like natives and riffraff? I mean what greater shock do we expect to hit us again until we wake up and smell the coffee? Or in this case the home-grown Darjeeling aromatic brew? To shake us out of this enamored trance where all things from foreign shores with ticket priced upwards of a few hundreds of dollars look attractive? 

Observe the current scenario guys and hold your head up proudly. We’re the flavor of the year, or maybe even the decade. The roles are currently reversed. The white sahib’s need us to spend, because

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Sex In The City

Sexual Trends In Our Times 

@nishjamvwal

We live in times of low attention spans, where all joys of the stomach and flesh are available for grabs, at the drop of a hat (or mobile in the now?) ! Sex Romance Love, all confused for each other?

Wham Bam Thank You Maam

In this super fast age we might just have misunderstood- the urgency to get into the wham- bam-thank-you-ma’am mode -for love, romance and poetry. 

My film actor friend shares with me "its like brushing my teeth, a function for life, what's all the ado about anyway"? That indeed is a point of view I hadn't considered at all!!!

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Hrithik Roshan's Mum In Law's GivesLife Tips- What Do You Do When Your Husband Is Involved In An Affair?

Survival, Triumph & Life Tips with Zarine Khan

                                                       

@nishjamvwal 

Sanjay Khan’s wife, Hrithik Roshan’s mum-in- law, Zayed Khan's mother- all that she might be, but all that comes later. Zarine Khan was a model and became a personality in her own right over the years. An entrepreneur of repute, despite all odds that come with being a Bollywood wife (often).

I’d always noticed how she stood apart from the noise, metaphorically speaking. Even in those times, in his zenith, when Sanjay Khan was preoccupied with strong pulls and hazards of the kind notorious to Bollywood, it is said that she held her own with dignity. Surprizingly Zarine stayed self assured, never insecure.  What is it that gave her succor when most women would crumble with fear of their future, insecurities, self doubt and pain?

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What is Love, Romance, Dating, Attraction and Sex

Is There Something Called True Love?

Love can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. In today’s age of instancy, chats, ‘crack kick’s’ with orgies it may mean a transient sexual encounter that comes and goes, poof! -Before you know it your in -out - disoriented - disillusioned. And to regroup you’ve jumped into another quagmire. The urge for heady stimulation is just that. A need for adrenalin rush.

I’ve always viewed love however, as a timeless ethereal fragrance that lingers, warms, gives meaning to moments and stays with me forever. 

For a parent, a friend , a lover or an army for its General. Like a glow, that enlivens, especially enervating in those bleak moments that I’ve often seen in a life of troughs and triumphs. 

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User-Friendly Rich Boyfriends & Influential Friends! Kareena Kapoor Chronicles It For Bollywood

KALYUGS NEW 'LOVE YOU'

Whatever happened to the friends you stood and stared with. The ones you met because you wanted to ‘hang out’ with, for no reason but that you liked each other. Not ‘loved’ each other instantly, but grew fond of over time and most importantly tide. High-tide. Not because you wanted to network, raise money, sponge on, but because you wanted to chat, read, grow and know together. 

Yes, I know, it’s all very old fashioned and not at all ‘cool’. So then my question is, what is cool? To have boyfriends who ‘buy you presents’, ‘pick you up and drop you and spend on you’ , “have a big home in a good place” to free-load on until you find someone ‘richer’ you can free-load on and ‘butter-up’? Or you dump him when he doesn’t deliver on the picking up dropping and big bucks?

Two girls standing cheek to cheek saying ‘loooooove you” in a shrill sing-song voice to each other. They are posing for a BBM picture to declare their love for each other to the world. Never mind what is in their hearts. The heart is full of what you can extract from your friend to better your prospects in life. After all this is supposed to be a kalyug phenomenon. Where love is the most easily abused word. Like toilet paper. Let’s not even get into loyalty and longevity. ‘Love you’ in today’s lingo usually means, I have ‘x’ number of agendas with you, you are useful to me and I intend to milk you for all you’ve got. Once I’m ‘done’ with you, I’ll just evaporate. 

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Kunal Kohli Essay's Romances with Rani Mukherjee, Karina Kapoor & Amisha Patel

What Is KK's  Personal Take On Love Sex Romance? 

Fanaa, the Bollywood Movie set in Kashmir where Aamir Khan romances Kajol, was for me one of the more poignant love stories I’ve seen in recent Hindi Filmlore.  Kunal Kohli, the director and writer of this romance has explored the themes of love and interplay between the dynamics of a man woman relationship. 

He has said so much in his films about love and romance, and I am curious as to what he finds attractive in a woman? What in a relationship attracts him and excites him ? And most importantly, while decoding the man woman chemistry in Teri Meri Kahani, Hum Tum and Mujhse Dosti Karoge- how much of him exists in his movies?

He has essayed romances with Rani Mukherji, Kajol, Amisha Patel, Kareena Kapoor and Deepika Padukone where a subliminal message seems to come through, literally like a conversation spoken aloud by him on celluloid, on the subject of romance and love. I am curious!

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Salman Khan & Shah Rukh Khan are'nt the only grown-ups with fall-outs in friendships

BOLLYWOOD ISN'T THE ONLY PLACE PEOPLE FIGHT.......

An excitable voice across the phone line. Tanisha demands that her friend Anita show solidarity. “This is your true test of friendship” insists Tanisha, who's taken cudgels with another friend, and expecting all her close friends, including Anita, to take sides. “Where is your loyalty? If you go to her party then we can never speak again Anita.” she declares.

No it was not a squabble of young schoolgirls, it was women in their thirties and forty’s squabbling over breaking up, making up, taking sides and solidarity.

 Yes, maturity is not a given and people do sometimes become even more childish than kids fighting in grade two or three. Have you not heard of Salman Khan and Shah Rukh Khan's falling out and Bollywood being called to take sides. In 2008 the Bollywood badshah Shah Rukh took a dig at Salman at a party, flippantly joking about his relationship with Aishwarya. 



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The Bal Thackeray Charisma with Nisha JamVwal

The Humane Side Of Bal Thackeray 

@nishjamvwal

What are the key differentiators that make one human being so loved and celebrated and another unsung. 

This is the thought that occurred to me when I witnessed the last journey for the much loved, flamboyant Balasaheb, known for his provocative speeches and for crossing all political and social boundaries with much aplomb.

It seems like yesterday that we shared a glass of white wine with his preferred snack , ‘suran’. Under the enigmatic personality was a man with an engaging sense of humour and a strong point of view. So he allowed you to engage in a discussion, but very strongly put forward his. I’d call that special ingredient that engaged millions ‘charm’,  some possess it and some just cannot acquire it, hard as they might work, because I believe it belongs to those that have the gene ingrained within.

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'Student Of The Year', Alia Bhatt's Film Foray & The Captain of Her Ship

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Bhatt says Tiger Mom's are not guaranteed to create successes ! Quite the Opposite!

My Mum is The Captain of my ship

The Big Bold World of Bollywood. - A petite  young girl makes her foray with none other than the Large-scale-luxury-format film maker Karan Johar’s ‘Student Of The Year’. I notice a distinct sense of quiet confidence and a sense of non-nonchalance toward it all. Maybe it comes from the fact that she was a child artist in her father’s film ‘Sangharsh’? ‘No’, she corrects me vociferously, ‘that was a long time ago. That might be just a tiny part of it. The main reason for it all is my mother, Soni Razdan. She’s not just my mother but my strength, the reason I can be self assured. My values and principles come from her. I feel awful when I lose my temper and tell her to keep quiet- she is the most understanding person in my life.”

Best Friend Trouble?

How Do You Handle A Painful Friend?

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How do we handle a good friend who  often pokes us and pricks our self esteem and prods us to confront ourselves in a manner that we would rather not. Do we do away with the friend or how do we handle it all was a question my friend Bingo posted on her facebook status. 

-She seemed to suggest the friend becomes a pain in the neck that we're better off without because she was at a stage in life when she is fairly attuned to what she wants and has chosen to be. To the many responses she elicited on her ‘wall’ the most balanced ones echoed my belief strongly.

My life has been about friends who have been part of my growth and metamorphosis, who have kept me firmly grounded in a world where it is easy to fly away with your fabulous fantasy of yourself. A best friend becomes like a spouse, whom we have to navigate and grow with. People are not like toilet tissue- you don't 'discard' them- you  also allow them to know when they're being a pain in the neck. You know, I've actually enjoyed the meanderings of understanding the ups and downs of relationships. You begin to take the good with the bad, as my good friend Tanaz so wisely said just yesterday!

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