SHENAAZ HUSAIN ON LOVE MARRIAGE & EARNING MORE THAN HER SPOUSE- HOW DOES IT WORK?
It would be incorrect to presume that men don't feel
uncomfortable when their woman earns more. Or has a more powerful job than her
man. In traditional relationships especially in our country a man tends to feel
very uncomfortable, even threatened. There are definitely adjustment issues.
Can you imagine a woman who puts in a fourteen hour day at work doing the
laundry? Roles have to then be
redistributed and yet few men would take kindly to that .
When Shenaaz Husain, pioneer entrepreneur in the world of
herbal beauty built an empire, she had to do a lot to ensure that her
relationship and work stayed harmonious. Especially since the route up had not
been easy.
Shenaaz
was not educated enough to get a job, and with a great struggle set up her
first beauty salon in her own house. The plus
side was that since then she has always there for her husband and family-
career came second. “Working from home proved advantageous-I was always there
when they needed me. My husband gradually became involved in my business. He
sacrificed much for me, so much so that he resigned from government service to
be with me.”
Success
came with a price however “When my business grew and I was travelling abroad
frequently, I realized that my time was not my own. I remember an incident when
my young son who I had left in Delhi had high fever. As a mother, I wanted to
catch the next flight home and be with him, but in terms of my commitments and
I had no option but to fulfil them. My mind was not on my work, or the
different cities I had to visit to open salons but, I could not go back on my
commitments. I had the world at my feet, but I was longing to go back to my
son-I realized then that you should not compromise
your values for work alone. 
Shenaaz
ensured that she would not allow her success to come in the way of her
relationship very early in the game, “I made it a point to spend quality time with
my husband, going to our herb farm on weekends together as a family, which
enstrengthens bonds and brings a family closer. Even today, I like nothing
better than unwind with my family, go out for coffee together, or to dinner,
catching up with each other.”
Shenaaz gradually became more famous than her spouse, and yet she managed
the ego of her man and has a successful career and a successful personal life.
How did she have a balance of work, career, marriage, children. “Behind every successful woman, there is a
wonderful, understanding and loving man, who respects his wife’s right to be
successful. We had a role reversal of sorts. I conspired to involve my husband
more in my work so that I was the face of the enterprise, but his value his
contribution in building up the business was greater, specially the
international business.” Shenaaz realized that she had to work around her
husbands ego to ensure there were no hurt feelings.
“There was
no ego clash at all. But it came at a price! I always kept myself in the
background and attributed all my success to him. I always claimed that I was totally
dependent on his help, advice and support. He actually took leave and lived in
London, to be with me when I went to study beauty at Rubinstein. He was like my
pillar of strength.”
Shenaaz
realized that she must ensure that her husband didn’t feel he was walking
behind her “I trained myself to stay behind him. Any program, or any major or
minor decision I would leave to him and follow his advice. The children were
also told “ask your father…do as he says.” He was always the lord and master. On
his part he was always there for me, goading me on to scale impossible
heights.
“If I was
invited as Chief Guest, I would insist that he sits beside me. If I was asked a
serious question even by the press, I would say, “It depends on my husband. He
will decide.” Yes, I could have taken the decision but I was extra cautious to
take his advice.”:
In Paris, the Editor of La Nouvelle Esthetique
asked Mr Husain if Shenaaz’s success and public adulation embarrassed him, or
made him feel second to her in any way. He answered “I am never embarrassed by
her fame and phenomenal success because I was part of creating the phenomenon
she is today.” When asked, what exactly
his role was, he said, “Just holding the fort. We built it together and that’s
a full time job!”
“The
way a creeper climbs on a rock and smothers with fragrance and beauty the very
rock it covers…..the same way, a woman with a full time career can prove to her
husband that without his support she can never climb the ladder of success, or
reach the dizzy heights of fame. As a wife, I was have always been very careful
to acknowledge him and acknowledge that he was the pivot on which my world
rotated. Yes it was a tight rope walk. It was not easy, but I managed . He knew
it and loved me for it. That was the secret of my phenomenal fairy tale life. The law of nature is that the man is the breadwinner. That has been the biological conditioning. When you reverse the law, there can be a violent emotional explosion! Like a pressure cooker, your world can simmer and even explode and in that explosion, your world and your family can suffer. But, with care and concern, you can have a fabulous combination of both. It is up to the woman to balance her sensitivity and woman power.
Nelofar Shahnaz's daughter says of her mother "Here is a woman who has
kept at her dream with determination. She broke through the glass ceiling and
pioneered the herbal industry. She has so much courage and is able to do what
she wants with so much elan," she says.
It was Shenaaz's
daughter Nelofar who conspired to introduce her mother to her second
husband a R K Puri "Nobody should be alone. Mr Puri had come to advise us
professionally and had lost his wife to cancer. Here were two people in very
similar positions. He was brought up in England, elegant and well-suited to my
mother. I encouraged my mother as much as I could."
NISHA
JAMVWAL
Nisha
is a celebrity columnist and a luxury brand consultant
@nishjamvwal
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