Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Relationships Are Not Just About Good Sex! What Women Want...

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Recently a man at dinner asked- "Nisha please tell me what turns women on, women are so difficult to figure out!"

Yes I agree! (and it might take me a book to answer that one!)  

Men try to figure us out, but don't always succeed!  And yes things would be so much easier if they knew some few pointers, so that they knew at those special moments what matters to us?
Don't get me wrong! I’m not saying we want effeminate men who are fĂȘting us at every moment, but yes to be better understood might work to smooth-en a relationship. So recently when I met an ardent reader of this column who pleaded with me to write about ‘what do women essentially want in a man, i'd really like to know, they baffle me!’ Does a women enjoy being wined and dined, to bring her flowers, offer compliments, text her every hour and without a fail wish her "sweet dreams" every single night he asked me. 

These are superficial, short term courting options. No. The reality is quite different. This is why I thought , yes, I’d ask some of my girlfriends to tell me what are the special traits that would clinch it for them in terms of falling for the ‘right’ man, or what are the major put offs in their book?

Let me start with the big put offs- ‘Freeloaders’ and ‘name droppers’ are revolting, that make women want to run a mile.

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 I came across a guy who would ask a woman out, boast about untrue feats and then bbm his friend to take the bill 'I'm going through a rough patch, could you pick up the tab while I pretend to prevent you from paying?" he'd write!!!

On the other extreme some assume that overdoing the ordering at a restaurant, showing off brands , flashy belts with the Hermes ‘H’ monogram glaring at you, glitzy shoes (also with monogram) and big talk makes them appealing. I recently met a man at the club whose opening line was how he knew and had dinner with a well known industrialist ‘so often’. Until that second I’d thought him a pleasant sort not a vacuous name dropper!

 It just took that one second to change my opinion.

On a serious note, what women want is a man with intelligence, humor, conversation and one that makes them feel special. A good friend, apart from other sexy add ons! The best way to peruse a woman is with consistence and understatement. Men give up so easily simply because a woman didn't respond exactly the way they imagined, when they approached her. They are afraid of the rejection, when actually persistence pays. But do look out for the signs- do not pursue her if you feel she is actually disinterested. 

Even husbands retreat emotionally because their wife isn't as playful as she was when they first dated. Women want men with whom they can experience a more meaningful, emotionally-fulfilling experience with them than she would with most other guys.

A man who doesn't lie about little and big things, but whom you can depend on and look up to. Respect.

A man who is the provider and makes you feel protected, like he's got it all in control.

A man who is not stingy and persnickety about ‘the small change’ metaphorically speaking.

An important one that most women came up with when I ask them what they look for in a man, and one that I endorse most agreeably is attention. A man who makes you feel like you are the only woman in the whole world, like he’s proud of you, and whose eyes are not roving about the place when you are with him. It is a major put off when a man looks at the knees of a PYT (pretty young thing) at the next table while sitting with you......or then fidget-ily at his Blackberry!

 And yes a corollary to that is that he is interested in what you’re saying. His attention does not stray while you are speaking.

We’re all intelligent so I wont belabor the no-brainer deodorant, bad breath, bad in bed- these ones really don't need to be elaborated. These are obvious no-no's.

What does need to be spelt out is most women wish ardently that they could be with a man who knows how to make her feel like a real woman. Special. 
Open doors, pull out the chairs, take your coat, in a day and age when all this sounds obsolete it is even more charming.

Long term, women dislike men who lie, flirt and make them feel superfluous. Today, when more and more women have identities and personalities, are well educated and well exposed, they do look for friendship, companionship, humor, conversation. Good Sex is just not enough to make the cut! There just has to be more to a relationship for the long term where confidences, work stress, dreams, secrets can be shared and ideas and conflicts discussed. 

Almost every modern woman fantasizes about meeting the kind of man who has the confidence to walk up to her, start a conversation and be natural and charismatic. It is a common myth that women will go upto a man and strike up a conversation, that is more often than not rampant in movies. It does happen, but it is not too common. That means when it is a relationship expected to go somewhere in the dating and mating game then a man with gumption is attractive. Among other traits that work ofcourse!

Nisha JamVwal 
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