Saturday, February 9, 2013

Sex In The City


Sexual Trends In Our Times 


We live in times of low attention spans, where all joys of the stomach and flesh are available for grabs, at the drop of a hat (or mobile in the now?) ! Sex Romance Love, all confused for each other?

Wham Bam Thank You Maam
In this super fast age we might just have misunderstood- the urgency to get into the wham- bam-thank-you-ma’am mode -for love, romance and poetry. 

My film actor friend shares with me "its like brushing my teeth, a function for life, what's all the ado about anyway"? That indeed is a point of view I hadn't considered at all!!!

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I'm privy to a sea change from the times a Madhubala just exchanged glances with Guru Dutt, to an Anushka Sharma who endearingly (I must admit) sleeps with Ranvir Singh in 'Band Baja Barat' and has no regrets the next morning. She's self assured and confident of her decision. So its not all bad, and we don't have to be judgmental about mature decisions, but we worry when it sets the stage for hurt and pain. When there is pressure to jump the gun especially by the man.  When all that is desired , right after finding a person attractive, is to cut to the chase and get it all over and done with. 

The immense pressure to make it all physical without the amorous ‘courtship’ is then a cause for worry. When it is meaningless and like a mundane function , 'brushing one's teeth' is what I was informed!!!

 The magic of the friendship, chemistry, companionship leading up to romance is part of that special high that is unmissable. Is the lingering sensuous fragrance of Romance edging toward the dinosaur age? Even the very once shy Bollywood has moved to the sex first thought later mode. Deepika Padukone is most comfortable with enjoying the moment for the sake of the moment after downing several drinks in 'Love Aaj Kal'. Sex as experiment, as a so called natural physical need, as casual as a peck on the cheek to my thinking could be an excuse for lack of restraint.

Life investments Come before Marriage Goals Is sex an expression of love? You  don’t just fritter away 'love' as a man-woman thing. Sex is as intense an expression of the emotion, and as selective and exclusive as that rare feeling for one single person you are involved with. When such a state of affairs exists, it is natural to think of it on a basis of 'happily ever after', and matrimony with all its attendant appeal of a home together, caring for the other, children, striving for mutual benefit where you are the reason d’ĂȘtre your partners life. A magical Ferris wheel and the world a funfair. 

Yes there are bad times and burdens but show me a being with a companion and I’ll show you the lightening effect   of the companion on the stress or drudgery.  However here’s where I say go slow- there is a lot to be achieved before you get carried away with the permanence angle. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibility and in the competitive age that we strive within, it is always smarter to equip yourself with all the skills, talents and capabilities that you can access in a very ambitious mileu, before jumping into matrimony.

The Pressure Of Sex If a young lady wants to say ‘no’ to anything beyond the kissing and carousing, she must not believe that it would appear prude and succumb to peer pressure or an over eager male friend. On the other hand a young man might not think himself ‘uncool’ if he wishes to be discerning and take his time choosing a partner, even for the short term. On practical levels, it is a sexually liberated world. Since societal mores are increasingly tolerant and accepting, the need for educating the impulsive young is more urgent than ever. The threat of disease, unwanted pregnancy, psychological trauma on 'being used’.

The Implications of Financial Equality: The financial equation between the sexes has changed. Equality in the one has brought about an attitude of equality in another space earlier thought of as a male thing - sex without commitments or need for marriage. Medical advances in dealing with unwanted pregnancies have furthered thinking. Here in India and abroad (considered 'free-er) the paramount concern continues to be to get ‘settled.’. Financially upward males, successful careered females, vociferous expounders of all sorts of freedom, all humanity seemingly with sex at its beck and call, yearning for that one person to 'love and cherish till death do us part'.  Isn't that still the USP of fairy-tales?


It’s the emotional human ideal, as the rest are permutations of compromise or adjustment to the 'happiness' quotient.

Casual Sex: Barack Obama says to his two daughters "at the end of your life, when you look back, there are going to be two things you remember. It’s going to be the love you had for friends and family and those moments when that love expressed itself."  Indeed the operative word is love and the expression it makes for life's memorable moments. That is why there is need to create awareness about the downsides of casual sex, apart from the moral aspects. However liberated times may be, society is still far from the stage where it's like “Now that was good sex, ~ burr-rrp.”

Infidelity :  To  be loved and cherished -certainly implies sexual fidelity- definitely not lack of restraint or lack of emotional maturity. One moment of erring and you find yourself abandoned, perennially insecure, emotionally dependent and a host of consequences from irresponsibility.  Consequences are an immense drain not only on the individual level but an inconvenience to family and society. Its termed 'cheating, not the most complimentary epithet. So, the contrary ,by all yardsticks is seen as the more dignified, moral, aesthetic and respectable state, and we  see that time- honored values endure beyond all argument.

Education:  It is not only essential to bring about awareness regarding consequences but education has a vast beneficial effect in promulgating right values at the right age when they are likely to be ingrained better. It is also the best means of reducing crimes of a sexual nature such as rape or eve-teasing in our times, when information is just a digital click away, education could do better,  emphasizing  aspects that enhance us as human beings.
Even the caveman realized the benefits of some sort of a permanent attachment that came with a familiar known face waiting for him at his cave. Imagine him returning home from a tough days tackle with the mammoth or boar and then go looking for a lady date for dinner!! Every night!! That was probably when a mutual fidelity bond was invented. She got the steak home-delivered and he had his date for the night, and all the following nights too.  Seems to have worked fine over the millennia.

Nisha JamVwal nishajamvwal@gmail.com

Written for & Published by Youth Inc Magazine

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