Coping With The greatest Malaise of Our Times
What happened to #SushantSinghRajput?
It's what you remember most when you think of him
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When the world sees a happy, well-adjusted energetic person it might not be a reality. Perceptions are not reality however real appearances might be. Look at Robin Williams who made all of us laugh.
- One of the greatest comedians in Hollywood- that he committed suicide baffles me.
And then many years ago, the legend Dale Carnegie who wrote self-help books on happiness also took his life in depression -makes me really wonder what happiness is all about and how does one define and quantify it and more importantly how do we find it in our lives? Is it a success and material possessions? Can’t be! Or then Alexander McQueen, celebrated, loved and wealthy to the point of excess would definitely not have taken his life. Could it be pain and tragedy that cause a person to end their lives? I doubt that because pain and unhappiness is part of every human beings life existence. Yes, I know, depression and drug overdose are obvious causes, but in the first place, they occur due to inadequacies born out of unhappiness!
So then what is the way out to grapple with pain, loss, and
suffering? I’d say the only way out is within. What comes to mind is a
famous quote about happiness
–‘chasing happiness is like chasing a butterfly in a garden. Try to capture it and it evades you. Sit on a bench and close your eyes - it will come and rest on your shoulder’.
–‘chasing happiness is like chasing a butterfly in a garden. Try to capture it and it evades you. Sit on a bench and close your eyes - it will come and rest on your shoulder’.
Depression, anxiety, and stress. The most insidious epidemic of our times that is said to be the cause for all disease today -even with the big ‘C’ - stress and anxiety are cited as the big causes. It surreptitiously makes its way into our lives before we know what’s hit us and we find we are the victims of panic attacks and low performance at work. More often than not even kids at school find themselves struck by this new age epidemic.
The rapid spread of this most common malaise is- believe it or not - loneliness. Isn’t that is the biggest contradiction considering this is the most ‘connected’ age ever. Social media even connects people from different counties and geographies as if they were next door and yet feeling isolated is a great anomaly of our times? Did you know that one in four people that die in India die due to suicide caused by anxiety, despair, lack of help, and the inability to reach out? Feeling isolated and the huge pressure of performance and FOMO overwhelm, cause dread of living, apprehension, uncertainty, and fear.
Everyone has good days and bad days - there is no shame in feeling depressed and down. Why is there still a stigma with being unable to cope with the pressure? Having a ‘dark patch’ with anxiety, stress is like fever or a cold! Face up and fess up. I know from working with a lot of anxiety victims that pretending takes its toll.
Sharing brings caring- allow the breeze in and open up - don’t feel you have to always look perfect. Pretending is passé - the new age way is to be real, be you, come clean! Growing up is about acknowledging and sorting. Age is just a number. Whatever your age, fifty, sixty, sixteen, you always always have scope to ‘grow-up and fess-up’. The greatest step is to acknowledge one's fears and feelings of inadequacy.
Every success story has many failures hidden within. I’ve found from my own journey that these experiences actually form the construct and matrix of success later.
The wheel of fortune is not consistent and internalizing this is the beginning of coping and change from within. We need to take it all with a pinch of salt and look at the big picture in life. What is most important is that if you cannot counsel yourself and cannot cope - then the most important thing is to reach out. It could also be just a hormonal change or some chemical imbalance that could be dealt with medically?
Neerja Birla who is the founder of a mental health care facility Mpower is a flagbearer of dealing with stress and reaching out for help. Her fight is to create awareness and spread information about mental illness, and she works tirelessly to dispel misconceptions about mental health issues. Just like you can have diabetes or incontinence you can have anxiety, stress, and panic attacks. “We need to immediately red flag issues and understand that it’s ok not to be ok! I always stress upon parents and friends to listen to their kids and peers in a very non-judgemental way” she avers and you can see that this is her greatest passion as she shares her thoughts. It was her own tryst with anxiety and post-natal depression that led her to explore the avenues and support system available in India. She was taken aback to find very little in terms of support systems for people suffering from mental health issues and it was when she saw this paucity she decided to create not only support for mental health care but also the much-needed awareness on these issues.
Feeling left out or ignored is not unusual so don’t blame yourself for extraneous issues. Don’t be hard on yourself. I’d highly recommend reaching out in the flesh to a friend or member of your family then turning to social media as your coping mechanism.
The funny thing is we do the opposite when we are feeling low - we withdraw or disconnect and go into a shell when we feel anxious.
This is when you have to push yourself to reach out and find purpose. Even attending an event to participate in can augment a sense of purpose and give you the much-needed dose of belonging to move forward.
Finding support groups, reaching out to trusted friends, communicating and opening up and getting sound professional help is a great start to bring in the sunshine.
Remember always the time, perseverance, love, care, and big-time effort your parents took to bring you up. Don't just damage what is not yours alone. Your life is an outcome of a lot of people's love and care isn't it?
Nisha JamVwal
Tweet @nishjamvwal
Instagram @nishajamvwal
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