Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Love Affair Gone Sour? Heal & Move On! Like Ranbir Kapoor did?!

 Forgetting The Past & Moving On
 Tweet Nisha @nishjamvwal

Nisha JamVwal 
You wake up and you bbm your lover. The last thought you sleep with is that intimate moment you just shared. And then boom, least expected, it’s all gone up in the air and you’ve split up, no longer dating or married or together. It’s ended. It’s bitter. You hate each other more than anyone else in your life. That same person, whom you prayed for, wished for, ate from the same plate with you now feel such a strong revulsion toward. And yet you cannot move on? You’re mentally clinging on. -Hate is another form of love, isn’t it? So how then should you forget the past and move on, close the door on the bitterness and let in the healing breezes of a new love affair? You cannot can you? With the past clinging on?

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There is no going back and yet every pore and muscle wants it all back, without the betrayal and complications. Well, unfortunately, there is NO GOING BACK. There is only one way, to go forward, towards a new beginning, a new future.

Just yesterday all your loyalties were with that special one. You loved cared and were devoted. And this feeling of disorientation is unbearable. It just makes you feel marooned and isolated from your very core. Your reason for being has been snatched from beneath your feet. You feel most shocked and have this big sense of betrayal. Both of you.

The sad truth is that there is no real formula except working hard at moving on. Yes, the same adage works here too! There is really no free lunch, it’s a self training exercise of determination all the way. Travel. Does it work? I know, every prospective partner you meet on the trip, you’re comparing to that one who just exited. So heres the thing, why on earth are you looking anyway? I mean, didn't you just get out of a tough relationship?
The trick I’d say, is to not look, not covet, not secretly want a tailor made clone of the past partner to come and fill the lacuna. Let more fun and exciting, mind occupying entertainment fill the lacuna. Learn a new language, loose the unwanted weight, call up your friends who've been tolerant of you taking them for granted. Sort out your email inbox and make folders. Occupations that do not bring you back to the same old ‘why’, ‘how’, ‘when’ questioning, rehashing, self doubt routine are an exercise in will power that will get you through. Trust me it’s not worth it if its over. It is time to move on and away from all the self recrimination, hurt and pain. It’s time to make new occupation and focuses of your time.

It might not be easy but if you don't close the door on the past the future will never unfurl and flower. Here I’m not saying it will be another partner, but I’m definitely promising that you’ll be happy again, realize why it didn't work, feel a sense of relief that nature and serendipity took you away from something that was not meant for you. Because something happier is waiting for you at the curb just ahead.

How do I know? Because I've been through it, I chose to end a relationship that had become a liability, and yes I've cried and felt it’s the end of the world, but I have delighted some painful chunk of time later in the relief of being rid of an anchor that weighed me down and never let me soar. Because remember one important thing, and yes I know what I’m speaking of, true love makes you soar and delight with every waking moment. And it takes you to new growth and positive metamorphosis with every brush. I've always viewed love as a timeless ethereal fragrance that lingers, warms , gives meaning to moments and stays with me forever.

Not a long time ago the much publicized romance between Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor broke up. Even the audiences who enjoyed seeing the good looking couple together were disappointed, let alone the deep pain Deepika so obviously went through. But each found new love and happiness, not Bollywood style, but in the real world sense. So love does have its expiry period too sometimes, and some of us lucky ones find the forever love- its very much a matter of chance, investment of self, time and then it is luck.

Love, I believe, shouldn't pull you down and fall apart eventually. The very fact that it came crumbling down is because it was never meant to be in the first place, so move on and find meaning in other pursuits, and yes , out of the blue true love will might come and blow you with its magic when you least expect it to.

Written for Printed & Published in Asian Age & Deccan Chronicle 

Nisha JamVwal nishajamvwal@gmail.com

Tweet Nisha @nishjamvwal


Neo Prady said...

Very applicable post Nisha. If there is a throne in your finger you need to prick it with even a sharper throne to remove it off. I understood your way of approaching a break up.


Neo Prady said...

Very applicable post Nisha. If there is a thorn in your finger you need to prick it with even a sharper thorn to remove it off. I understood your way of approaching a break up.


Anuja said...

So So true and spot on! We do tend to get carried away by the movies comparing our own to those which is a big mistake. Movies are our chance to escape reality for a few hours so they should be the last thing we make comparisons to.

Marriage and relationships are some of the hardest aspects of our lives and they need to be worked on every day; Many friends relationships have broken down due to being too caught up in the honeymoon stage, then reality hits them which seems to be their justified reason for breakups.

Its so important to think about what went wrong, so it can be made better and especially what you really want in someone. Rather then locking yourself away for days with the tv and ice cream for company everytime. As Nisha rightfully said put your focus on something else, such as that course you always wanted to pursue, those dance classes that your partner refused to go to, or the sunny holiday you missed out on as they get sunburned easily; and of course make amends with those friends you ignored during that time.

I struggled alot to get over my last serious relationship, i realised by staying like this Ill never be able to move forward and give anyone or anything a chance; so i spent six months travelling, then applied for a job abroad. Soon days of not thinking about my partner turned into weeks, weeks into months and now whenever he crosses my mind I find i don't miss him at all.

When i first met my fiancee it wasnt like them movies at all, no love at first sight or wind sweeping my dupatta over his face. Over time I fell for him more and more and now cant imagine being with anyone else. He tends to jokingly moan that im not very romantic, about how i was giggling and teasing when he proposed but im sure secretly he's happy about that.

let go and move on, everything happens for a reason so take advantage of that.

Great article again Nisha, especially love how you always bring in your own experiences and the fact you're thriving more then ever says it all.

Saurabh said...

But the problem is not every guy is as attractive as Ranbir neither all gals are as sexy as Deepika ;)

Really thoughtful article...problem wid lovers is dat after break up they start thinking that the life has ended...their partner was "the only" one who cared for them...they forget thr r his/her parents, siblings and sometimes kids too...also, just by thinking dat their life has ended doesn't actually ends the life...I know its difficult but we have to bounce back and start living again...after all we were living before the partner came in to our life!!!

sudeepaa said...

I just wanna say that I really love you nisha for being such a kind and a dear friend ...but I truly admire you for expressing your thoughts in just a simple way...and that's the beauty of it,all the topics you choose are so real and we totally relate to it!!I just loved it..its so inspiring!as I always say"you are my beautiful friend..whose such a fantasic lady inside out!!looking forward to read more and more from you!!!loads and loads of love

kittybuddha said...

Nisha.... No matter how many times I say it, it just won't be enough: You just HAVE to write a book. I think not many people understand the depth and intensity about you and if you do that, they probably will. I have to say this one thing: I can't really say I know you, and maybe I never will, but that's the thing: you're an enigma. Stay that way :) lovely post! look forward to more :)

Priya Selvaraj said...

Hi! This was a truly positive and encouraging piece highlighting the importance of moving on and preserving one's integrity. In other words, it also emphasizes on importance of self worth. I believe that relationships are basically built on foundations of trust and acceptance. Before this it is in fact conceived out of chemistry, either intellectual or physical. There is no love at first sight.If the latter succeeds it culminates in a relationship that thrives on love and all other frills that is "expected" to complete it. If it's the latter, thriving in it may require immense luck and compromise. Having said that I believe that moving on can also be translated into a healing and therapeutic experience rather than a negative one. This can happen only if we have inculcated the art of letting go (freedom) while we were in the relationship itself.This is difficult in reality as it is highly dependent on age, maturity and level of emotional dependence. Age brings about maturity where the mind exerts a better control over the heart and seeks out practicality of situations. Feasible or not? Not that these well calculated relationships don't break but the healing or recovery phase is far stronger and quicker. We are not here to predict or protect but perhaps leading the younger hormone packed generation to have strong will power and emotional control would lead to happier, spiritually inclined and healthier adults. For them building relationships would be easier than breaking them and even if they did break, it would only be a lesson learned once.

nandita sahu said...

very nice article nish >>>you always write things which are always unsaid and your approach to this sounds so easy and real>>>>love your thoughts on all u write and they touch me always>>>loveee you

Muralikrishnan,T said...

Love-unfurled Nisha.Really enjoyed reading it.ur analysis of life as a whole arranged in sequence is fabulous.'Stop worrying,start living' should be the motto of our life as u said.The article instills +ve energy in the reader.u can surely come up with novels,like chetan bhagat and other current favourites.u are well aware of ur talent,use it to the full.Waiting for the unheard melodies.....

Nisha JamVwal Roller Coaster Called Life