Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Love Affair Gone Sour? Heal & Move On! Like Ranbir Kapoor did?!

 Forgetting The Past & Moving On
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Nisha JamVwal 
You wake up and you bbm your lover. The last thought you sleep with is that intimate moment you just shared. And then boom, least expected, it’s all gone up in the air and you’ve split up, no longer dating or married or together. It’s ended. It’s bitter. You hate each other more than anyone else in your life. That same person, whom you prayed for, wished for, ate from the same plate with you now feel such a strong revulsion toward. And yet you cannot move on? You’re mentally clinging on. -Hate is another form of love, isn’t it? So how then should you forget the past and move on, close the door on the bitterness and let in the healing breezes of a new love affair? You cannot can you? With the past clinging on?

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There is no going back and yet every pore and muscle wants it all back, without the betrayal and complications. Well, unfortunately, there is NO GOING BACK. There is only one way, to go forward, towards a new beginning, a new future.

Just yesterday all your loyalties were with that special one. You loved cared and were devoted. And this feeling of disorientation is unbearable. It just makes you feel marooned and isolated from your very core. Your reason for being has been snatched from beneath your feet. You feel most shocked and have this big sense of betrayal. Both of you.

The sad truth is that there is no real formula except working hard at moving on. Yes, the same adage works here too! There is really no free lunch, it’s a self training exercise of determination all the way. Travel. Does it work? I know, every prospective partner you meet on the trip, you’re comparing to that one who just exited. So heres the thing, why on earth are you looking anyway? I mean, didn't you just get out of a tough relationship?
The trick I’d say, is to not look, not covet, not secretly want a tailor made clone of the past partner to come and fill the lacuna. Let more fun and exciting, mind occupying entertainment fill the lacuna. Learn a new language, loose the unwanted weight, call up your friends who've been tolerant of you taking them for granted. Sort out your email inbox and make folders. Occupations that do not bring you back to the same old ‘why’, ‘how’, ‘when’ questioning, rehashing, self doubt routine are an exercise in will power that will get you through. Trust me it’s not worth it if its over. It is time to move on and away from all the self recrimination, hurt and pain. It’s time to make new occupation and focuses of your time.

It might not be easy but if you don't close the door on the past the future will never unfurl and flower. Here I’m not saying it will be another partner, but I’m definitely promising that you’ll be happy again, realize why it didn't work, feel a sense of relief that nature and serendipity took you away from something that was not meant for you. Because something happier is waiting for you at the curb just ahead.

How do I know? Because I've been through it, I chose to end a relationship that had become a liability, and yes I've cried and felt it’s the end of the world, but I have delighted some painful chunk of time later in the relief of being rid of an anchor that weighed me down and never let me soar. Because remember one important thing, and yes I know what I’m speaking of, true love makes you soar and delight with every waking moment. And it takes you to new growth and positive metamorphosis with every brush. I've always viewed love as a timeless ethereal fragrance that lingers, warms , gives meaning to moments and stays with me forever.

Not a long time ago the much publicized romance between Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor broke up. Even the audiences who enjoyed seeing the good looking couple together were disappointed, let alone the deep pain Deepika so obviously went through. But each found new love and happiness, not Bollywood style, but in the real world sense. So love does have its expiry period too sometimes, and some of us lucky ones find the forever love- its very much a matter of chance, investment of self, time and then it is luck.

Love, I believe, shouldn't pull you down and fall apart eventually. The very fact that it came crumbling down is because it was never meant to be in the first place, so move on and find meaning in other pursuits, and yes , out of the blue true love will might come and blow you with its magic when you least expect it to.

Written for Printed & Published in Asian Age & Deccan Chronicle 

Nisha JamVwal nishajamvwal@gmail.com

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