Friday, April 6, 2012

Tulip Joshi On Live In Relationships

Tulip Joshi On the (ir) relevance of Marriage

A television chat show I participated in with a group of well known faces  set me thinking. The subject was the relevance of marriage in today’s age. Living in being the choice in our times. Is Marriage just man made institution that is pertinent in our times and should one legalize a relationship or should it be a free flowing trust based living in with one another, where you walk out if things don't pan out as you had planned.

In an age of independence does a woman need food, clothing and shelter? And what about a man

who is spoilt for choice, and does not need physical or emotional companionship and cosseting from only just a wife and could do with choice. The technological age of BBM dating, chats late into the night and college girls on the look out for someone to pay the bills for designer handbags give him many options. The pow-wow that ensued on the chat show made me want to meet a living-in couple and discover their thoughts on marriage and why they had decided not to tie the proverbial knot.

Actor Tulip Joshi, Yash Chopra’s discovery has been living in with her boyfriend , a life coach and etiquette expert in Bombayfor years. Ever since I met and knew them they are like a married couple in every sense but they aren't married. He’s indifferent either way and she’s sure she’s happy this way and doesn't require the ‘stamp of marriage’ on their anyway cemented relationship. Vinod also quips  “so tell me also why Tulip”.

-“I feel commitment is more from the heart, a certificate does not count.” In a relationship of nine years Tulip definitely is qualified to comment. “I come from a family where people get married, my two sisters are married, have families, my parents are married and together forever. I however was in search for myself and being with Vinod helped me realize myself. He is the pillar whom I turn to when I need advise. We are connected in the deep sense not superficially and I don't know why I should change an ideal situation. 

Her boyfriend  was married for a short while and that ended in a few months. Ironically this relationship which does not have the stamp of ‘marriage’ is longer lasting and more cemented. “A clerk sitting in a government office sipping Masala chai is not going to empower our relationship with a stamp, we are more committed than many a married couple who live through a sham for outer appearances. People give too much importance to society. Tulip and I live in the same house, we travel together a lot, sometimes apart, we work together, we cherish time together, experience special moments together, and do things the way we want to. The net result is happiness."

Tulip feels a sense of freedom, nearly symbolic, where she is committed totally living in and not married. She enjoys the quality time spent living together , experiencing moments than on the phone and sms. It’s a practical decision of two people in love, where she feels freedom in spiritual commitment, “I value and want my independence and freedom most of all. It is the most important thing for me. In this way I have my freedom and enjoy my relationship more than anything in the world.”

 Meet Nisha @nishjamvwal

This article is written for & was published in Asian Age


shail gulhati said...

A nice write on a difficult subject. i represent the 'other' side. i love the institution of marriage.but when i say that,obviously i only have the ones that work/have worked in mind. You , Nisha, have articulated your view so beautifully, that i have a respect for the space and view of others. kudos for excelling in putting across effectively a new view:)

Chanti said...

Yes..You are write. But marriage is to protect the community values as well.

Sachin Kaushik said...


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Anonymous said...

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african woman said...

This is a great though I've ever discovered! Thanks for this one. I so love this phrase “I value and want my independence and freedom most of all. It is the most important thing for me. In this way I have my freedom and enjoy my relationship more than anything in the world.” I do agree with this one. I will surely apply it to the near future.

Saurabh said...

To each his own...neither marriage nor live-in is perfect...individuals must decide and act!!!

Nisha JamVwal Roller Coaster Called Life