Trust & Loyalty, Are They Relevant Words Today?

The timeless ingredients that outlast rapids and turbulence in relationships is communication and trust.

Backbiting and gossip is rife in a society where social aspiration and climbing up the ladder for invitations and name dropping abound. So how do relationships and friendships survive in a predominantly farcical and superficial urban milieu, where page three culture dominates?

When all else points to a loved one or a friend being guilty, telling you that they are at fault, and you are the victim-stop to think and evaluate the situation before jumping to conclusions. How are you going to do that!

 I'd like to ask you if words like 'loyalty', 'trust', 'honesty' have become obsolete, traded for upwardly mobile attributes like ambition, pecking order and social advancement. I mean which world am I living in, I ask myself! And my answer is this- qualities like loyalty and trust are classics that outlast transient shallow trends.

If you’ve cared for and loved someone for years, and something goes wrong where your loved one is ostensibly to blame, stop to think, evaluate, communicate and discuss the situation before jumping to conclusions. Ask what transpired and if he or she had anything to do with the problem. Always draw from the ‘bank balance’ of good memories and the loyalty you’ve seen all the 

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Desperate to get Hitched? Wait up!

Jumping headlong into a marriage because ‘it’s been decided’, ‘your family wishes it’, ''you're lonely and need company',  ‘you’re getting too old and you might miss the boat’, ‘you’re spouse to be is in the foreign service and you will get to travel the world’ –these are the wrongest reasons and spell disaster if you are not compatible. 

Companionship, friendship, love and trust are reasons to make it a lifelong commitment, convenience, alliances of businesses, age concerns, lust, pregnancy, desperation, money, fame and materialism are NOT! 

 It is indeed difficult to make the tough call of opting out with all the temptation to go ahead and take the easy route. I urge you to be brutal -with yourself and all around you. Better to be alone in harmony than together in mismatched disharmony where you will be even more isolated, forlorn and disappointed.

When you get that funny niggling doubt and misgiving which goes beyond just nervous butterflies, it is not prudent to go in for a relationship that will turn out to be traumatic long term.

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The Irrelevance or Relevance of Marriage by Vikram Bhatt

Dalliance, Love, Marriage With Vikram Bhatt

“To me, marriage is an archaic and oppressive institution that should have been abolished years ago. And love? Its magical comfort food for the weak and uneducated. Yeah, it makes you feel all warm and relevant but in the end, loves leaves you weak, dependent and fat” says the character of Matthew Mc Conaughey in the film ‘Ghosts of Girlfriends Past’

Vikram Bhatt’s views are not far behind! Vikram has not only blazed a trail for his own brand of cinema but is also known for his unconventional personal life. 


- In my years of knowing him, he always came across as a very outspoken, real person sans pretensions, positioning, flim flam! So that when I was the Indian journalist doing the documentary ‘Twenty Four Hours In Mumbai’ the French journalist with me asked him superciliously ‘what do you feel about poverty in India’? Vikram answered cockily ‘what do you feel about drugs in France?' (sic). 

That pretty much says it all. Direct, self-assured, wry humor & delightful. 

So his views on the current scenario of marriage , while unconventional, are stimulating.

 Is it obsolete according to him? Does marriage have consequence in our times or is it just an institution to give us support and succor?  In this age many view it as a “contract” commissioned by the government ‘to disenfranchise intercaste, interfaith and interracial marriages.’

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Do You Want A Mama's Boy? Get yourself a Man

DIMPLE  LOOKS ON HORRIFIED AS SON SAIF ALI KHAN KISSES GIRLFRIEND DEEPIKA PADUKONE

Women Don’t like Mamma’s Boys- Wake Up Before It’s Too Late?

Just last week I had an experience that left me quite taken aback. A friend had feverishly implored me to help her son’s procure a job. I went all out and got him the interview despite there being an HR protocol for the job in question. He did go, was made to wait, was met with, post which to my utter surprise I received a spate of angry sms’s from his ‘mommy dearest’ annoyed with the fact that her darling son was made to wait. On further research I found out what I’d been suspicious about. He’d had a bad divorce, has not been working for some time now, and is generally finding it difficult to cope. You might already have guessed why! Yes, a molly coddling, over-protective, helicopter mother with an excessively attached son?

The truth here is that a lot of male children, especially in India, are the apple of their ‘mamma’s’ eyes receiving too much attention and nearly royal treatment from infanthood. Their every need is pandered to and become expecting of the same pampering and care from the spouse. They are often not allowed to fend for themselves and are feted, sheltered, and cossetted by the mother with unconditional love even after their marriage. They rarely think they are wrong and grow up with an exaggerated sense of self. Mothers are to blame for pandering to their son's every need, and unfortunately women don't like to date or be married to men who need to be served and can't take care of themselves.

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Love, Sex, Greed & Bitter Break-Up's

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  It all started with passion, love, great sex, parties, lunch, dinner. She was flawed. He proposed, she saw castles and candy and agreed readily. She would rule!

Come the tiny hiccough of a tough patch and what happens? She flies the coup. To the arms and bed of another man who promised 'good-fun' times. 

Yes! Break ups can be greatly ugly, and couples that loved each other 'unto death' become sworn enemies. When my good friend Harish broke up, I found him dignified and silent, and yet his ex-girlfriend went to the ‘marketplace’ -metaphorically shouting intimate details of their break-up to all the friends they had shared- spilling details of give and take, sex life and personal issues that until then were sacrosanct. Or at least so he had believed! 

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TEACHERS & STUDENTS! THE RELATIONSHIP, THE JOYS, THE PAINS!

The gurukul ashrams of Ancient India had revered teachers and our ancient 'parampara' was to obey and revere our teachers at all costs. Never question and give guru dakshina for the pearls of wisdom we received.

Shah Rukh Falls For His Teacher

How things have changed, haven't they. We are taught to question, often professors are on first name basis with their students and we have a kind of bon homie with our teachers. Which is not a bad thing, but a new way. One that must be tread on with respect intact!?

Sushmita Is A Lovely Professor 

With the onset of 'teachers day' my question to all of us would be, are we at all grateful to our teachers and do we celebrate them enough. Now maybe you'll react to this and say, teachers are not that dedicated anymore. They're just doing a job! To that I'd respond that life is synergetic. You give respect and are eager for education and knowledge and even a stone can impart it.

Yes , we'd all adore Sushmita Sen as our teachers, whether we are male or female students, but in real life that might be a bit unrealistic?

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SUCCESSFUL PARTNERSHIPS & HOW TO MAKE THEM WORK: Salman Rushdie & Deepa Mehta's Camaraderie works wonders

BEING SUCCESSFUL PARTNERS

Shriya Saran in Midnights Children

Salman Rushdie has been making news with his
typical tongue in cheek wit. Here to release his film ‘Midnights Children’, I was keen to hear his views on myriad issues blazing the media. What took me by surprise was the offbeat topic he spent much time discussing- his interesting insight into partnerships and working together, handling the sometimes conflicting ideas that partners run into when working together. Salman spoke at length about his collaboration with Deepa Mehta while making the film, and it struck me as an important insight in an environment where business partnerships are growing and new partnership opportunities enter a globalizing India.

Salman and Deepa’s camaraderie came across when they discussed their latest project ‘Midnights Children’ so enthusiastically. Quite obviously they’d had a blast doing the screenplay from Salman’s book for the film and translating a difficult subject into celluloid. And he elucidated as much. In fact I don't believe I’m being facetious when I say that he was also somewhat surprised himself at how wonderfully they’d worked together for a long span of over a year.

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WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A WOMAN EARNS MORE THAN HER MAN! SHENAAZ HUSAIN SPEAKS ON EGO MANAGEMENT WITH THE SPOUSE!

 

SHENAAZ HUSAIN ON LOVE MARRIAGE & EARNING MORE THAN HER SPOUSE- HOW DOES IT WORK?

It would be incorrect to presume that men don't feel uncomfortable when their woman earns more. Or has a more powerful job than her man. In traditional relationships especially in our country a man tends to feel very uncomfortable, even threatened. There are definitely adjustment issues. Can you imagine a woman who puts in a fourteen hour day at work doing the laundry?  Roles have to then be redistributed and yet few men would take kindly to that .

When Shenaaz Husain, pioneer entrepreneur in the world of herbal beauty built an empire, she had to do a lot to ensure that her relationship and work stayed harmonious. Especially since the route up had not been easy.

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Anger Management Tricks & How to stay calm!

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Several news channels dissected Shahrukh Khans reaction to an intransigent guard at the cricket stadium, and I was asked what I’d felt. It was only then that I sat to analyze anger and temper tantrums and what they have to do with being right or wrong. My take is that Shahrukh was not wrong about his chagrin and protectiveness for his child, but that his scuffle had given an upper hand to some people in the press and publicity hungry people who wanted to feed off his vulnerability and brush with his fame.

An actor known for his philanthropy and intrinsic goodness, is also unfortunately known for his bad temper. Salman khan.  Some episodes include his outbursts at the organizers of the Celebrity Cricket League for  not providing him with proper security while he was attending a cricket match. Another was while shooting for an ad film where he got upset at Shahrukh Khan when requested to redo a scene with a different facial expression, and 

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Mother-In-Law Trouble? SOLVE IT NOW!

A difficult Mother–In-Law Situation? 

Yes! You can Handle it!

I could hardly understand the rush of words pouring out at the other end of the phone. Renuka was furious with her mother-in-law’s admonishment, delivered in a superior tone of voice and very disapprovingly toward her.  Direction, interference, disapproval, unkindness. She couldn't take it anymore and had fought with her spouse because it was ‘his mother’. He was the cause of it all, her unreasonable anger declared.

“Are you buddies other than when you’re not getting along?” I queried. “Yes, when we’re not arguing –which is rare” she admitted grudgingly.

 Big mistake, I said, to her utter surprise. She’s not your 'buddy'. The truth is that you cannot be ‘buddies’ except in rare cases, and the sooner you begin to realize it the faster your relationship can flower into a semblance of mutual respect. 

Distance, mutual respect, space and formality is the KEY! 

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Madhur Bhandarkar on 'calender-girls', Sex, Women, Bollywood & Life...

Madhur Bhandarkar With Columnist Nisha JamVwal

Madhur Bhandarkar, a man of many shades, all ambitious, interesting, observant and real! He is a good friend and a keenly observant film-maker. I remember a dinner party of mine, where he just stood like a fly on the wall and focusedly noticed interactions, hardly participating. He just moved around, looking, drinking in the ambiance and making mental notes. Post which he had churned out 'Page-3'. I was riveted by some real-life sequences in the film.  I even did a tiny cameo for him in that film. Today he's working on 'Calender-girls' and enjoying working with a bevy of beautiful newcomers. Thats the beauty of Maddy as I call him affectionately. I've known him for years, nothing changes him, from his humble beginnings to today, hes as comfortable at a tiny quaint fish lunch joint as he is at a rooftop gourmet fine dining restaurant. 

With women falling all over themselves to act in his films, keen to 'hang out ' with him, Madhur manages to keep his personal life very steady. He has had his share of controversy but his own home and relationship stays unscathed.
Friendship and camaraderie in a marriage can blow over the biggest storms that a relationship goes through in its journey. You just sail though tumultuous rocky weather without imminent shipwreck, and Madhur Bhandarkar is a great example of this. 

Severe allegations and court cases thrown at him by a struggling starlet through the last few year didn’t chink his fortress, instead it stood tall. This apart from all the hot stars that he’s been linked to.

“I don't believe in elitism. I don't think the audience is this dumb person lower than me. I am the audience”- Quentin Tarentino ….Madhur quotes his hero to me several times through our chat over Malvani fish, crabs and shrimp. Touted as ‘one of the directors who explore social issues especially in and around Bombay, Madhur has shown the murkier side of society, the underbelly of Bombay. Visibly enjoying his long innings and national awards, his marriage, his daughter, he is unfazed by rumours and linkups with leading ladies from ‘Bollywood’. 

What according to Madhur keeps his marriage from breaking up, when the newspapers have linked the names of Raveena, Tabu, Mughda Godse with his? 

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Falling In Love With Your Best Friends Lover

Falling in Love with your best friend's spouse or partner  Is It Possible?

Is it doable? Should one sacrifice one’s friendship at the alter of romance? Should one work at saving the love that is lost to the best friend?

Just yesterday I inaugurated a book, the central theme of which is a girl falling in love with her best friend's boyfriend.

Does this really happen I wondered, I mean, isn't it something that is improbable considering the person who is already taken is someone not worth wasting your time with? When I went deeper into my memory, I realized that this in fact commonplace! It happens all around us all the time.  

The debate that resulted in the audience at the book reading where I released the book was quite something. I was surprised when the debate became very involved with the audience that had come for the book reading vociferously discussing the subject. People shot questions galore on this malady and I had to think on my feet-

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Karishma Kapoor Tried To Patch Up! Is It Possible Really?

Working At A Broken Relationship: Is it worth it? Or Should One Let Go? Karishma Kapoor & Sonu Nigam have the tenacity to try........

 Is It Possible to Work A Broken Relationship

A while ago, Sonu Nigam was furious with speculation about his marriage. But the fact is that there had been a breakdown of conjugal harmony, his wife had returned to her maternal home and speculation about divorce was rife with reason. An upset Sonu had acknowledged "It's a very routine situation and I'm working on it. I know my wife and I can solve the problem ......” 

And solve it he did. Kudos then to him for making an effort and working it in a scenario when people so easily give up and are more than happy to survey the greener grass on the other side (sides). The bottom line is more people -like Sonu- should work at a relationship than give up so easliy...

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"Bringing Up Kids Is Challenging"

Soni Razdaan On The Challenges of Bringing-up Alia Bhatt & Shaheen Bhatt

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“Bringing up kids in today's world is challenging full stop  period !!!” says actor Soni Razdaan with her typical jest intertwined with  serious undertone, about her girls Shaheen and the new kid on the Bollywood  block -Alia Bhatt.

A mother daughter relationship to me has always been intriguing, mainly because of the complexities of my own relationship with a tiger mom. I do believe she’ll agree with Soni wholeheartedly. 


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Choosing Your Friends Smartly- Salman Khan & Govinda are not rare examples & Friendship is not extinct!

Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families Tennessee Williams @nishjamvwal A disappointed crony confided in me about her disillusionment with her close friend. “I hadn't allowed myself to see the flaws, assuming that they’ll go away or I convinced myself that they didn't exist. So what does one look for in a good, abiding friend Nisha ? she asked , not wanting to make the same mistake again. "One that doesn't become a liability, but is a source of succor and joy?” she said. That set me thinking!

 To me, living in the world of Luxury, the media and the Glamour set I must admit that I have often felt like the victim of agenda. I feel like a great target for upwardly mobile wannabe’s with agendas as well as publicity hungry sharks. 

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Love Affair Gone Sour? Heal & Move On! Like Ranbir Kapoor did?!

 Forgetting The Past & Moving On

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Nisha JamVwal 

You wake up and you bbm your lover. The last thought you sleep with is that intimate moment you just shared. And then boom, least expected, it’s all gone up in the air and you’ve split up, no longer dating or married or together. It’s ended. It’s bitter. You hate each other more than anyone else in your life. That same person, whom you prayed for, wished for, ate from the same plate with you now feel such a strong revulsion toward. And yet you cannot move on? You’re mentally clinging on. -Hate is another form of love, isn’t it? So how then should you forget the past and move on, close the door on the bitterness and let in the healing breezes of a new love affair? You cannot can you? With the past clinging on?

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Life, Trauma, Questions & Alexander McQueen

"The Good life is not a place you arrive at. It is a lens you bring to the place you are at right now"

Just yesterday I wore an Alexander McQueen backless dress and felt beautiful in what was a most ingeniously created work of art. In its construction and conception. Must take a beautiful mind to have conjured this I wondered, and then my mind began to ask what made this acclaimed creative genius said to be worth twenty million pounds, commit suicide at 45 at his stunning  two million pound flat in Mayfair, central London? He was doing work he liked, achieved recognition, success, money, fame, adulation and was one of the greatest creative geniuses of our times. Not enough reason to endure living? Are there further barriers to the elusive state called happiness? 

One hint perhaps, was, critics opined, an obsession with the 'Afterlife' that came across in his work. Did he see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, on the other side from life? Perhaps!

The ostensible reason was that the fashion designer – high on cocaine- slashed his wrists with a ceremonial dagger on the eve of mum Joyce's funeral was the grief of her parting. 

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Loving, learning, working with (than Against) Our India

The Empire Strikes Back

* Globalization with a Proud Indian Heart!

@nishjamvwal

Are we still living in the Raj? I mean in our heads? Sycophants to foreign brands? Bowing and scraping to the white sahibs and scoffing at Indian people, brands, cars, clothes? 

Did we not learn a hard, bitter lesson all those years ago, with the Britt’s treating us like natives and riffraff? I mean what greater shock do we expect to hit us again until we wake up and smell the coffee? Or in this case the home-grown Darjeeling aromatic brew? To shake us out of this enamored trance where all things from foreign shores with ticket priced upwards of a few hundreds of dollars look attractive? 

Observe the current scenario guys and hold your head up proudly. We’re the flavor of the year, or maybe even the decade. The roles are currently reversed. The white sahib’s need us to spend, because

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