Sex, Relationships sans Marriage & No Srings Attached
@nishjamvwal
The Film ‘Queen’, is one of the more sparkling, endearing Bollywood films
I’ve seen of late, and Actor Kangana Ranaut as the gullible or provincial hick from
Delhi, unexposed and big eyed about all things ‘cool’, trendy and sexy is
beguiling. Especially when the Italian hunk in the film asks her to prove that
Indians kiss better than Italians. Dumped at the alter by her fiancée Kangana
as the film’s ‘Rani’ is on her ‘honeymoon’ alone to find herself
adventure.
The film while delightful, brings to the fore questions about the
new age single women, the importance of exploring oneself, the stifling nature
of some intrusive Indian relationships. Ranaut’s self-discovery and her freedom
prove that it is no longer the desperate need for a woman to be hitched to find
happiness. Quite the opposite. She should not even need the institution of
marriage to fulfil her need for physical connect and sex?
Sex and the single woman has been a preoccupying thought with ‘new
age’ India. West of the archaic Suez Canal there seemed once to be a cloud of
horrific implications over a girl letting go of her virginity before marriage.
Somehow as soon as you go east the virginity issue becomes a big deal. In India
too there still seem to be steeped in the loss of virginity phobia.
There are self appointed bodies of law keepers on the subject ,
like the ‘khap’. There is a numerosity of perspectives on the subject of the
bridal night and virginity with differences in perspective as far apart
as the poles. , with a plethora of emotionally- charged variants that
fill the distance between! 
There's this story you may have heard, of the young man hung
up on marriage to an 'innocent' 'untouched' package of ' purity' that
will come to him on the bridal night, gift-wrapped in her virginity. Nothing
less acceptable! So he locates a gem in a wholesome farm, away from 'polluted'
cities and is married. Her morning after wonderment is
"But this is what we do in the haystacks!! "
Rani in the film ‘Queen’ wonders aloud when her friend kisses a man
in the nightclub ‘lip-to-lip’? She has saved her virginity for her marriage
night. There is a law in place that permits sex between consenting
adults. It was just a few years ago when Chennai actor Khushboo made a
statement that girls must take precaution and be aware to prevent unwanted
consequences. There was brouhaha even at the suggestion that Tamil girls
might go the way of sex before marriage. They ostracized her at
the outrage which would sully Tamil culture! Courts were appealed to and
those who made the statement were accosted with public outrage and threat.
Psychologists hold that women bring to sex a larger quotient of
emotion, which lingers after the act, so they may have sentimental
expectations. She may lay herself open to hurt, a feeling of being used,
ensuing bitterness and all such, if she feels let down in expectations and the
man exasperatedly wondering "What’s all the fuss about?!" while the
seemingly ‘weepy, clingy’ girl is steeped in throes of tragedy, need not
be only seen on cinema. - It happens and immature 'Wham bam - thank you
Ma'am’ sex can have repercussions.
Sex for the single girl is a great outlet, a
stress buster, a feel
good relationship if it is conducted with maturity, thought, understanding from
both sides. Especially in India, there is much conditioning amongst males that
the girl is of poor moral fibre if she is independent and goes for what she
desires! The most important point to remember is that it must be respectful of
each other as human beings. A woman is some times considered licentious if she
has a physical relationship before marriage. She has to be clear about her
moral attitudes and go ahead with her personal conviction but most importantly
his moral issues.
In the film ‘No Strings Attached’ the rules are laid down
very clearly, and both enjoy the great chemistry until both get emotionally
involved. There is always a chance of that to.
A relationship culminating in sex can be paradise, undoubtedly. But
it needs a significant degree of strength of character and an understanding of
oneself and what one is seeking. No judgmental preaching’s here.
I am not even using the word 'love' or even 'commitment' 'society' 'right' , wrong.
The partners have to work out their funda for themselves.
What I am suggesting is that there are consequences’, and it is a state that
needs responsibility for one’s actions and most importantly, some inkling of
the type of person who is your partner. All the old wives' warnings may still
apply. Look out, paradise comes with it's in-house serpent!And, to avoid every
type of complication, let the single girl choose a single man.
Are they committing love forever? Beware, insecurities are a part
of the agenda. Jealousies, excessive possessiveness, selfishness, and blame,
complaints, feelings of advantage being taken. It is best if both are thinking
mature partners and much better if it’s not an impulse thing.
Nisha JamVwal is a celebrity columnist and luxury consultant
@nishjamvwal
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