Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Sex & The Single Woman

Sex, Relationships sans Marriage & No Srings Attached


The Film ‘Queen’, is one of the more sparkling, endearing Bollywood films I’ve seen of late, and Actor Kangana Ranaut as the gullible or provincial hick from Delhi, unexposed and big eyed about all things ‘cool’, trendy and sexy is beguiling. Especially when the Italian hunk in the film asks her to prove that Indians kiss better than Italians. Dumped at the alter by her fiancée Kangana as the film’s ‘Rani’ is on her ‘honeymoon’ alone to find herself adventure. 

The film while delightful, brings to the fore questions about the new age single women, the importance of exploring oneself, the stifling nature of some intrusive Indian relationships. Ranaut’s self-discovery and her freedom prove that it is no longer the desperate need for a woman to be hitched to find happiness. Quite the opposite. She should not even need the institution of marriage to fulfil her need for physical connect and sex? 
Sex and the single woman has been a preoccupying thought with ‘new age’ India. West of the archaic Suez Canal there seemed once to be a cloud of horrific implications over a girl letting go of her virginity before marriage. Somehow as soon as you go east the virginity issue becomes a big deal. In India too there still seem to be steeped in the loss of virginity phobia. 

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There are self appointed bodies of law keepers on the subject , like the ‘khap’. There is a numerosity of perspectives on the subject of the bridal night and virginity   with differences in perspective as far apart as the poles. , with a plethora of emotionally- charged variants  that fill the distance between!  

There's this story you may have heard, of the young man  hung up on marriage to an  'innocent' 'untouched' package of ' purity' that will come to him on the bridal night, gift-wrapped in her virginity. Nothing less acceptable! So he locates a gem in a wholesome farm, away from 'polluted' cities and is married. Her morning after wonderment is

"But this is what we do in the haystacks!! "  
Rani in the film ‘Queen’ wonders aloud when her friend kisses a man in the nightclub ‘lip-to-lip’? She has saved her virginity for her marriage night. There is a  law in place that permits sex between consenting adults. It was just a few years ago when Chennai actor Khushboo made a statement that girls must take precaution and be aware to prevent unwanted consequences. There was brouhaha even at the suggestion that Tamil girls might go the way of sex before marriage. They ostracized her at the outrage which would sully Tamil culture! Courts were appealed to and those who made the statement were accosted with public outrage and threat.

It’s now a vastly broadminded world out there, the earlier bugbear of unwanted
pregnancies largely out of the way. Does it not seem like large sections in India are enmeshed in a time warp? Maybe, and yes you may be an adult, but entering into sex as casually 'as a handshake' as some say, still comes with consequences.

Psychologists hold that women bring to sex a larger quotient of emotion, which lingers after the act, so they may have sentimental expectations. She may lay herself open to hurt, a feeling of being used, ensuing bitterness and all such, if she feels let down in expectations and  the man exasperatedly wondering "What’s all the fuss about?!" while the seemingly ‘weepy, clingy’ girl  is steeped in throes of tragedy, need not be only seen on cinema.  - It happens and immature 'Wham bam - thank you Ma'am’ sex can have repercussions.

Sex for the single girl is a great outlet, a 
stress buster, a feel good relationship if it is conducted with maturity, thought, understanding from both sides. Especially in India, there is much conditioning amongst males that the girl is of poor moral fibre if she is independent and goes for what she desires! The most important point to remember is that it must be respectful of each other as human beings. A woman is some times considered licentious if she has a physical relationship before marriage. She has to be clear about her moral attitudes and go ahead with her personal conviction but most importantly his moral issues.
 In the film ‘No Strings Attached’ the rules are laid down very clearly, and both enjoy the great chemistry until both get emotionally involved. There is always a chance of that to.

A relationship culminating in sex can be paradise, undoubtedly. But it needs a significant degree of strength of character and an understanding of oneself and what one is seeking. No judgmental preaching’s here.   

I am not even using the word 'love' or even 'commitment' 'society' 'right' , wrong.

 The partners have to work out their funda for themselves. What I am suggesting is that there are consequences’, and it is a state that needs responsibility for one’s actions and most importantly, some inkling of the type of person who is your partner. All the old wives' warnings may still apply. Look out, paradise comes with it's in-house serpent!And, to avoid every type of complication, let the single girl choose a single man.

Are they committing love forever? Beware, insecurities are a part of the agenda. Jealousies, excessive possessiveness, selfishness, and blame, complaints, feelings of advantage being taken. It is best if both are thinking mature partners and much better if it’s not an impulse thing.

 If you’re looking for love, be sure that that is what it is - for both partners. Sex need not be interchangeable with love...

Nisha JamVwal is a celebrity columnist and luxury consultant


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