Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Desperate to get Hitched? Wait up!

Jumping headlong into a marriage because ‘it’s been decided’, ‘your family wishes it’, ''you're lonely and need company',  ‘you’re getting too old and you might miss the boat’, ‘you’re spouse to be is in the foreign service and you will get to travel the world’ –these are the wrongest reasons and spell disaster if you are not compatible. 

Companionship, friendship, love and trust are reasons to make it a lifelong commitment, convenience, alliances of businesses, age concerns, lust, pregnancy, desperation, money, fame and materialism are NOT

 It is indeed difficult to make the tough call of opting out with all the temptation to go ahead and take the easy route. I urge you to be brutal -with yourself and all around you. Better to be alone in harmony than together in mismatched disharmony where you will be even more isolated, forlorn and disappointed.

When you get that funny niggling doubt and misgiving which goes beyond just nervous butterflies, it is not prudent to go in for a relationship that will turn out to be traumatic long term.

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In our hurry to be 'settled' and 'married' we often jump headlong into marriage, especially when we belong to conventional families and grow up thinking that to get married is the be all and end all of our existence. Trust me, there is much more to life. 

Even friendships and bon homie can turn into good relationships, and one such caring relationship can turn into marriage. Please hold on for life and for fate to unfurl and unveil a beautiful partner than jump into an obviously tumultuous situation just because your entire family is geared up for the festivities and you
long to be the cynosure of everyone’s life for that transient period.

Remember that it is you who shall have to endure an entire lifetime of trauma, as opposed to your peers and family who will revel at the function for five days and go back to the safety of their homes and hearth. At times like this, resolve and grasp of the complexity of the situation is imperative. It is also important to remember, that when one door closes many others open. We need to have the strength and tenacity to know when we are in a troubled equation and wait it out until we can see more clearly where the relationship is headed. 

To jump into ‘permanence’ because we feel
 impetuously attracted to an institution and state than a man and a future that would bring longevity and comfort is disastrous for not only us but the families involved.

It is better to delay marriage until you are ready and find a situation suited to you. In the interim stay focused upon developing into a psychologically mature, healthy person that can weather the teething problems that come with adjustment to a new situation. If you belong to a dysfunctional home, don’t repeat the mistakes of your parents. Instead find longevity, love and security than mirror the mistakes of your folks.

I’d recommend that you meet different people. Date unalike people and experience conversations and interactions that will give you a broader perspective and even allow you to differentiate in your own mind what works for you and what doesn’t. 

It is all about compatibility after all! What works for you may not work for me and that’s the secret about relationships. -An individual may form a perfect fit for you that may not work for another person. You will know for sure when it is the correct fit and until then, don’t hurtle headlong into an inadequate fit just because you are overeager to get hitched. Remember that for the long term you need to be confident within you about your choice.

Start dating a variety of people casually to get the experience you need. Figure out what you need in a relationship and how to differentiate a compatible partner from someone who isn't of your fit or then compatible to you.

Nisha JamVwal


Nisha is a Luxury consultant and a celebrity lifestyle columnist

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Nisha JamVwal Roller Coaster Called Life