Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Do You Want A Mama's Boy? Get yourself a Man

Women Don’t like Mamma’s Boys- Wake Up Before It’s Too Late?

Just last week I had an experience that left me quite taken aback. A friend had feverishly implored me to help her son’s procure a job. I went all out and got him the interview despite there being an HR protocol for the job in question. He did go, was made to wait, was met with, post which to my utter surprise I received a spate of angry sms’s from his ‘mommy dearest’ annoyed with the fact that her darling son was made to wait. On further research I found out what I’d been suspicious about. He’d had a bad divorce, has not been working for some time now, and is generally finding it difficult to cope. You might already have guessed why! Yes, a molly coddling, over-protective, helicopter mother with an excessively attached son?

The truth here is that a lot of male children, especially in India, are the apple of their ‘mamma’s’ eyes receiving too much attention and nearly royal treatment from infanthood. Their every need is pandered to and become expecting of the same pampering and care from the spouse. They are often not allowed to fend for themselves and are feted, sheltered, and cossetted by the mother with unconditional love even after their marriage. They rarely think they are wrong and grow up with an exaggerated sense of self. Mothers are to blame for pandering to their son's every need, and unfortunately women don't like to date or be married to men who need to be served and can't take care of themselves.

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The mother becomes the she lion, ‘protecting’ the boy from his wife, who is actually trying to forge a relationship with her man and interference at that time can be lethal. Whether its emotional or sexual, the boy more often than not becomes a non performer!

 The mother justifies her ‘baby boy’s’ every mistake and he soon becomes most self-righteous too. The funny thing is, that when the couple run into problems and distance themselves geographically, it doesn’t help.  It is the emotional proximity of the man with his mother, his titling and complaining to her with consequent indulgent reactions by her that exacerbate the situation and make matters messy.

Even at work this ‘Apron String’s’ boy often ends up being a non-performer. His expectations of people and situations are unrealistic, and he tends to feel he ‘deserves’ the best treatment. He has received unconditional love throughout his life.  Today, in a financially bleak atmosphere, one has to accept all kinds of situations and take some off-hand behavior by the boss or prospective employer with a pinch of salt. But this is next to impossible for ‘mamma’s baby’!

Years ago, I’d made a mistake and come running to my mother and clung to her sari. She’d banished me-“go and apologize and deal with the consequences” she’d said. I was only six.  Maybe at that time I thought her unreasonable, but today I thank her for that experience.

The bottom line here being, that all of us have to grow up, harden up and become ‘grown ups’. Chances are that if you’re a mamma’s boy, your mum will never think any woman or job is good enough for you. ‘The sun obviously rises and sets with you? She might say that ‘your woman can break your heart but she would never do so’,  but the truth is that if you respect both and treat your lover fairly both relationships will thrive.

For the mothers, they must realize that they are doing their kids a disservice, and should instead teach their darling boys that the world out there is a tough place, and they need to be strong ‘men’, deal with slights on the chin and deal with life on their own, than go running to Mommy at the drop of a hat.


Nisha is a  columnist and a luxury brand consultant

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