It all started with passion, love, great sex, parties, lunch, dinner. She was flawed. He proposed, she saw castles and candy and agreed readily. She would rule!
Come the tiny hiccough of a tough patch and what happens? She flies the coup. To the arms and bed of another man who promised 'good-fun' times.
Yes! Break ups can be greatly ugly, and couples that
loved each other 'unto death' become sworn enemies. When my good friend Harish broke
up, I found him dignified and silent, and yet his ex-girlfriend went to
the ‘marketplace’ -metaphorically shouting intimate details of their break-up to
all the friends they had shared- spilling details of give and take, sex life
and personal issues that until then were sacrosanct. Or at least so he had believed!
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Why must a breakup be ugly I ask you? A relationship
that once had love, giving, happiness, sacrifice, (one sided as it may have been in this case) may not be for a lifetime, but really does not have to get ugly and resentful? You may not stay best friends,
that might be unrealistic, but it really does not have to get murky and vindictive. Anamika went around like a lunatic badmouthing Harish, posting pictures of herself in bikinis with the new found squeeze to prove a point and only ended up looking shallow and vengeful.
Speaking
badly to or about your ex will only give you a very short lived feeling of
misplaced joy. I’d recommend you observe
Omerta- a code of silence that prohibits speaking loosely, or divulging
information about each other that was shared in more intimate, vulnerable
moments. That is the most important point that I could stress upon to be kept in mind post a break-up. Breaking the sacred code of confidence could turn the break up into an ugly war. Observing ‘Omerta’ instead, makes for a fragrant wistful acquaintance with goodwill and shared memories that are happy. I don’t believe it is idealistic to desire a state of healthy distance and good will that comes with observing restraint.
When does a couple part ways? When your relationship
problems are difficult to deal with & you know that you will be in a happier
state when you are parted.
The first rule toward an amicable parting is to stay
silent rather than saying something hurtful like ‘there are many fish in the
sea’. The vicious cycle starts when you dither and don’t make it a clean
surgical cut just for a short while. I’d recommend that you don’t linger into a
long break-up that creates a neither here nor there situation. Moving on once
you have both made-up your mind also means putting each other on a limited
profile on Facebook and not obsessively checking each other’s updates. A calm distance
is what you might find comforting and amiable.
Give each other time to heal and allow wounds to seal than
poke around at the soft raw laceration. And that definitely means not jumping
into another relationship or bed because all you are going to do is compare. That
would be unfair to you and to the recent date, because he or she is new to the
game, new to your habits and new to your needs unlike the special someone who
was most acquainted to the tricks and turns of your personality and the
cartwheels that please you. 
You must remember that a relationship right
after your breakup is almost always a rebound where you are either proving a
point to your ex or to yourself, and never for the right reasons.
Endings happen all the time all over the world.
Acceptance is the key. The smoother, kinder way, for yourself and your ex is to
allow it to be calm, talk and discuss than shout and raise your voice. Once
you’ve decided do not allow a ‘maybe’ situation to creep in for your ex-partner
nor in your own mind. If it hasn’t worked, chances are it won’t in the future either.
One door has to close for another to open. Give it time and breathe.
NISHA JAMVWAL
Nisha is a celebrity columnist and a luxury brand consultant
@nishjamvwal
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