Women Who Fake It

My good friend recently posted a very relevant post on Facebook. Newly married- this ex television VJ unravelled a cornucopia of knowledge about what a woman feels a man desires in her own mind and what he actually gets attracted to in a relationship is very very different.

Women work so hard for big hairdos, lots of makeup, big platform shoes, and expensive accessories, spending hours dressing up for that special man. They crave flamboyant accessories like handbags, which are actually a great put off in a relationship. Men find this superficial and frivolous. The bag, overdone shoes, bling belt, short micro mini and big cleavage only makes a lady look too overstated and ‘branded’.  It is instead most desirable to retain that fragrant simplicity, humour and conversation and let the chemistry and attraction take its course. I’ve always felt and it’s been discovered by me over the years that I’m right about men. They most definitely do not find layers of makeup or layers of artifice fetching. Artless, unpretentious and spontaneous is most gorgeous to a man and allows the relationship to proceed on real and natural footing. 

Loading up on brands and make up can work in the opposite way in fact. Just like women are put off by boastful, braggarts in men, because women also enjoy relaxed, unaffected and open men in the dating and mating journey.  More importantly, a partner who is attracted by brands and superficialities is also not the right person to look out for, because their priorities are not you but the wealth you own. So on all counts I’d go with the sincere unpretentious person for a date over the candidate who shouts feigned contrived and hollow over  a real person of integrity and worthiness.

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Dealing With Disillusionment & Disappointment

"Poetry and light come from challenging situations

To be smarter and deeper we go through tests! 

Disillusionment is ok

- flawed humans become exceptional with strife, trial and coming through tough times! " Nisha JamVwal

Going through a tough relationship, difficult times, harsh words is very painful, and one feels wrenched. 

Yes I know, when we go through hell and back, it does not feel like the time to hear philosophy. We feel terrible and nothing anyone might learnedly espouse works. Infact long lectures make you feel worse. You need space. Life seems awful and you feel like socking anyone who decides to be holier than thou -giving you all this lofty advice.

 It is my opinion, after going through trials and troughs myself that life is like school. We come into the world to grow and deal and become into better human beings and this can only happen when we pass though troubled moments. Most painful of these being not physical pain but issues that stem from painful relationships with lovers, parents, friends and siblings. Most people do go through ups and downs in relationships, loss and pain. The smarter ones learn and grow from the strife.  

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Bollywood Actor Arjun Kapoor's Journey toward Stardom

He may look like just another ‘star’ actor in the making, smart, handsome, successful and fighting the fight- to make it in the tough, competitive, cut throat world of Bollywood, but that is just a case in point to show that appearances can be deceptive.

It seems like yesterday when I sat with good friend Mona Kapoor, wife of producer Boney Kapoor of ‘Mr India’ fame. Boney had walked out on wife Mona to be with his lady love Sridevi, infront of the whole world. Mona was sad but holding it together for her shy little kids. A young, introverted, quite obese boy walked into the room, mumbled something, slinked out of the room. He was awkward and grew up to be a slightly under-confident teenager at hundred and forty kilos- stroppy and hiding the pain of a father leaving home and going away with actor Sridevi. In the earlier years his parent’s quarrels had frightened him and it all turned out to create an intense, silent boy who is today power house performer Arjun Kapoor. Channelizing all that past angst into powerful performances that can leave audiences spellbound.

Trained in his skills, conversant with the fight and dance requirements of ‘Bollywood’ , disciplined, hardworking and able to project the right image -Arjun delivered three hits first shot with Ishaqzaade, Two States and Gunday. 

Aurenzeb got him critical acclaim and even though it did not set the box office on fire his performance had his characteristic stamp of nonchalant passion got noticed. The unfaltering fiery reckless stamp of acting he has developed comes from all the emotion and life experience that exist just below the surface. I watch with interest this powerful, unassuming performer, who chats candidly, unemotionally about matters of the heart –painful and past.

“However healthy it is to cry and vent pain, not everyone is able to let it all out, but we find solutions in our own way. It is important to make one’s peace and find a positive outlet to pain” he shares.

 Just days before the premier of his first film Ishaqzade, which Mona had looked forward to so longingly- her now slim, tall, macho son would fire up the screen and all those years of hurt and trial would fade into oblivion – she gave into her fight with cancer.  In life, some are dealt more difficult a hand than others. Being an intense and silent young man, Arjun candidly admits that the pain was so deep and yet he was unable to cry. 

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Manisha Koirala on #Life, #Relationships, #Marriage & Internal Growth

 MANISHA KOIRALA ON LOVE, LIFE, PRAYER, THE ETERNAL SEARCH & SURVIVAL

A few days ago at lunch with a friend, I noticed how my friend teased her tiny little daughter about her wedding one day -when she’d grow up. The little child delightedly beamed.

A girl’s marriage is a monumental life event, especially in India. Dont ask me why.. I definitely don't agree, its just the way it is, especially in India. - It’s nearly as if her whole life until that red letter day is a preparation for finding the right man, choosing from among friends and acquaintances and then the actual act of marrying him.

 Less so in this day and age maybe, but definitely one of the most important happenings in a girl’s life. This is what actor, confidant and dear friend Manisha Koirala and I discussed over a coffee yesterday when she revealed that this very quest for a soul mate unraveled some unvisited, rare areas of her own personal journey and realities about her own self to her. I realized post my chat that Manisha is even more lovely within, which is what I've known for a long time, but moreso after I heard what she had to say. 

Manisha’s eyes, reflective pools of myriad expression speak to me as she shares “My search for my soul mate led me to myself. When I was young, I was commitment phobic and as time passed by I grew more curious about my purpose. As work lessened and I had more time to think, I saw most of my friends and family happily married, nurturing and growing up their kids.

There was this increasing insecurity of landing up all alone in my old age.

No husband, no children, no grandchildren!

Until the time that I realized there may be no tomorrow. I was told I had cancer.”

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TROUBLED MARRIAGES ARE BEST GIVEN A MISS SOMETIMES

A childhood friend who got married before any of us friends within our school batch,  seemed to be having some marital problems fairly early on in her relationship. Her parents urged the couple to go in for marriage counselling. Teething problems we all thought. And yet somewhere some instinct had told me it ran deeper. They patched it up- to the relief of the parents -who were very keen not to cut a sorry figure in their ‘community’. A brood of kids followed and all seemed okay until recently many years down the line I received a cryptic message about ‘being treated like a maid’ and verbal and mental abuse. I was shocked. Nothing had changed? She was the passive suffering victim of violence through all these precious years?

Often the woman in a marriage is ridden rough shod upon because she is not the bread winner and the contribution she makes in terms of cooking, cleaning and generally being the ‘fall guy’ for kids, in-laws and family is taken very much for granted. There is no value for the sacrifices she has made and her husband is oblivious to her needs and desires. He feels that any kindness ‘bestowed’ upon her is a favor.

I recognized this from the experiences of many friends from school and college who got married to dominating men that wanted a ‘housewife’ to keep home and hearth. The statistic is higher when women give themselves up headlong into the chores of marriage -giving up all financial independence and cutting down drastically on personal pursuits of happiness. 

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Cheating In Marriage #NishajamVwal

Some time ago a friend nonchalantly claimed "boys will be boys" when referring to her husbands indiscretions. Her husband, happy to oblige, had through the marriage been enjoying parallel relationships while she reared the kids, did the laundry and the housekeeping. 

I definitely take issue with this seemingly harmless arrangement. You might ask that if it works for them why should I be having a problem? Don't get me wrong, I'm no feverish feminist, but I definitely feel strongly about integrity and loyalty. And more importantly about it being the prerogative of a man to be the 'boy', justifying the 'boys will be boys' 'sentiment'.

Let me here go to the very beginning. I went to Loretto Convent and we were taught that 

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Vikas Bahl Director Of Queen Speaks On Life, Love, Sex, Marriage & Kangana Ranaut

Take the Leap of Faith & Follow Your Heart

“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free & realizing that you were the prisoner” an opening statement he makes at our tete a tete that comes through in Vikas Bahl’s latest film ‘Queen’. Yes, we’re all curious about the man who has conveyed so many resonant messages through his film. & Won innumerable awards at this years Film Fare Awards night.

What a riotous film, and yet without being preachy, with uproarious funny moments -a film that does not try to talk down to you, but takes you on a euphoric thrilling journey and yet conveys so many important messages. I've loved it but so have the critics. An important film of our times.

The beauty remains in the fact that the film carries you with it, not attempting to teach to improve anyone. Vikas was just sharing his funda of life artlessly, while telling his beguiling story hilariously. 

What comes across to me most resonantly is that one just has to take the leap of faith and follow one’s heart. And if you don’t, then life’s greatest calamities, or what we view as calamities are actually that prod that throw us out of comfort zones and make us reconsider our lives and take the plunge into adventure, living, experiencing and being our true selves.

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A lasting Romance & A Long Innings!

Made-For-Each-Other

SC Vasudeva & Aruna Vasudeva

He was in his later seventies and she was somewhat younger. They came hand in hand, no overt pretence but genuine concern and absorbed in each other. He had come to buy her a bracelet, at a trunk show I was hosting for the luxury jewelry brand I endorse. 

I was riveted. A  wedding anniversary of over fifty years, and so much love and companionship. Mr & Mrs Vasudeva- I met them over coffee through the afternoon-had gone out for a tête-à-tête lunch, a walk down Delhi’s verdant Lodi gardens, and then a ‘little’ token for her. 

They chose the bracelet together, chose it with some discussion and loving collaboration.  It was a revelation to see that not only can relationships have such longevity but with such mutual respect, love and sense of companionship.

A refreshing change from the short lived marriages of today wouldn't you say?  Where at the first sign of a hiccough or discord you hear 'it's not working', 'I don't think I can take this anymore'. 

I see around me so many marriages crumbling apart, that had come together with such élan. Just recently I specifically noticed Mohammad Azharuddin looking so melancholy and solitary in the audience, while I compered a show. His marriage to Sangeeta Bijlani had crumbled even though he had got together with her after divorcing his first wife Naureen.

Some relationships that were expected to be everlasting did not turn out that way, and one such 

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Sex & The Single Woman

Sex, Relationships sans Marriage & No Srings Attached

@nishjamvwal

The Film ‘Queen’, is one of the more sparkling, endearing Bollywood films I’ve seen of late, and Actor Kangana Ranaut as the gullible or provincial hick from Delhi, unexposed and big eyed about all things ‘cool’, trendy and sexy is beguiling. Especially when the Italian hunk in the film asks her to prove that Indians kiss better than Italians. Dumped at the alter by her fiancée Kangana as the film’s ‘Rani’ is on her ‘honeymoon’ alone to find herself adventure. 

The film while delightful, brings to the fore questions about the new age single women, the importance of exploring oneself, the stifling nature of some intrusive Indian relationships. Ranaut’s self-discovery and her freedom prove that it is no longer the desperate need for a woman to be hitched to find happiness. Quite the opposite. She should not even need the institution of marriage to fulfil her need for physical connect and sex? 

  

Sex and the single woman has been a preoccupying thought with ‘new age’ India. West of the archaic Suez Canal there seemed once to be a cloud of horrific implications over a girl letting go of her virginity before marriage. Somehow as soon as you go east the virginity issue becomes a big deal. In India too there still seem to be steeped in the loss of virginity phobia. 

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Diana Hayden's Wedding Bells

Why Diana Hayden Didnt Go The Bollywood Way

At a crowded pre-holi party last evening, I was speaking with a smiling , unrealistically obliging and ingratiating socialite. - I wondered what made her come across so artificially polite and phoney. It was the dearth of something real, genuine, from the heart. That special something which differentiates the tangible from the sham is that warmth reflecting within the light inside the eyes. 

Suddenly then Diana Hayden breezed in. And when I say breezed I mean breezed in. Like a relief factor from the painfully put on fare Bombay sometimes offer's especially in the air-kissing lot. 

To put you upto speed, Diana won Femina Miss India in 1997, crowned Miss World 1997. I thought to myself, ‘this is the real thing’. Shes always from the heart –what –you-see–is-what–you–get. Nothing changes her, not the great highs nor the sometime lows. And anyway, which of us doesn't go through the lows?

So what actually kept Diana differently real and fun to hang out with? I mean she's belonged to the glamour industry. Diana told me her tale over one of our long coffee sessions. Would you believe it, I didn't know she was from Hydrabad. The daughter of a plumber, her mother is a teacher. An ordinary home, where her parents split up when she was merely thirteen.  She had to leave school to fend for herself to take up a job and work  really hard "I worked as a receptionist, a telephone operator, I held at least fifteen jobs. Life was very basic. Our foundation of education was good so that while I might have been an eighth drop out I always got books as Christmas presents, read a lot and I turned into a curious romantic person.”

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Do Besties Exist? Are You Looking For That BFF?

Do We Need That Best Friend At Any Cost?

Do Besties Exist?

Can It Last Forever?

Is There A Forever?

 @nishajamvwal

These questions came to me often through my growing up years. I often wondered at all departures, break-up's and farewells whether there is a forever. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But are there tricks to make it last forever? I'd say yes, and that magic formula is respect, politeness and some healthy distance. The second you take your friends for granted and push them around, or then get pushed around, is the beginning of the end. 

How do we handle a good friend who  often pokes us and pricks our self esteem and prods us to confront ourselves in a manner that we would rather not. Do we do away with the friend or how do we handle it all was a question my friend posted on her facebook status. She seemed to suggest the friend becomes a pain in the neck that we're better off without because she was at a stage in life when she is fairly attuned to what she wants and has chosen to be. To the many responses she elicited on her ‘wall’ the most balanced ones echoed my belief strongly.

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Open Marriages, Open Love, Open Sex! Do They Work?

Does another society marriage bite the dust? It is being said that the once very romantic couple -ex-model Rhea Pillai and tennis ace Leander Paes- are allegedly daggers drawn and trying to agree on a settlement to go their separate ways. Both came into the relationship with much history, but also what appeared to be much passion. 








The relationship gained momentum even as Leander was supposed to be in a serious relationship with actor Mahima Choudhury- and she stated that she had only stumbled upon the truth of his two timing her much into his relationship with Rhea. She had said at the time "In any relationship, there has to be love, trust, commitment and loyalty. If any one of these elements is missing, the relationship isn't worth pursuing," and most of us would agree with that assumption of a relationship?

Today the situation has come full circle with Rhea and Leander allegedly parting ways in a bitter custody battle, and rumour mills cite the cause of the trouble being an allegedly open marriage.  While this might indeed be chinwag, it makes one ponder the ‘institution’ of open marriages and what they must actually mean.

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Hritik Roshan & Suzanne Roshan Break Up! Turmoil in human relationships...........

It’s been an eventful year for most people I know. I must admit, for me personally, one of the more challenging years of my life, and yes challenges I’ve indeed had my share of. That’s what actually gives me the bandwidth to chat with you on varied issues, the ability to unravel the secret behind making things work despite the tests and trials that life throws at one. As things go, unless there are calamities at world level, turmoil’s in human relationships assume almost as gigantic proportions as earth shattering events. I have seen so many of these cataclysmic chaos-es this past year- almost like an epidemic. 

In 2013 , some of the most happy relationships broke down and public declarations of divorce, separation and severe cracks euphemistically termed as ‘taking time out’ from the marriage dotted the relationship scene like commas and full stops in a page.

The biggest buzz all year was the breakdown of Hritik Roshan’s marriage of so many years, and their public declaration that came some recently with speculations of the divorce settlement. The golden couple of seventeen years is no longer in the happily ever after. There was an alleged entry of a third party, Arjun Rampal to which Suzanne declared- “it is only about me and Hrithik, nobody else” and wouldn’t you agree? An outsider, of which there are always many prowling about cannot be the cause for fracture of a relationship. Things go wrong in deeper multifarious levels. 

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