Sunday, December 21, 2014

Women Who Fake It

My good friend recently posted a very relevant post on Facebook. Newly married- this ex television VJ unravelled a cornucopia of knowledge about what a woman feels a man desires in her own mind and what he actually gets attracted to in a relationship is very very different.

Women work so hard for big hairdos, lots of makeup, big platform shoes, and expensive accessories, spending hours dressing up for that special man. They crave flamboyant accessories like handbags, which are actually a great put off in a relationship. Men find this superficial and frivolous. The bag, overdone shoes, bling belt, short micro mini and big cleavage only makes a lady look too overstated and ‘branded’.  It is instead most desirable to retain that fragrant simplicity, humour and conversation and let the chemistry and attraction take its course. I’ve always felt and it’s been discovered by me over the years that I’m right about men. They most definitely do not find layers of makeup or layers of artifice fetching. Artless, unpretentious and spontaneous is most gorgeous to a man and allows the relationship to proceed on real and natural footing. 

Loading up on brands and make up can work in the opposite way in fact. Just like women are put off by boastful, braggarts in men, because women also enjoy relaxed, unaffected and open men in the dating and mating journey.  More importantly, a partner who is attracted by brands and superficialities is also not the right person to look out for, because their priorities are not you but the wealth you own. So on all counts I’d go with the sincere unpretentious person for a date over the candidate who shouts feigned contrived and hollow over  a real person of integrity and worthiness.

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The other big misnomer is that men like skinny ‘Posh Becks’ like bones and skin. That too I’m told by reliable sources is completely unattractive. “Why on earth would we wish to be with a strappy page boy when the real thing is curvy and voluptuous”?

The important thing to remember is that if you stay unaffected and effortless you are liked for genuine reasons and there are less chances of disillusionment later. Your partner knows you for whom you are right from the word go.

Not long ago I’d introduced a well-known bit model and wannabe Bollywood actor to an investment banker. He was enthralled at introduction time and they dated long distance as he had to go back overseas to his work. Months later when they rendezvoused in a foreign country, each so excited at the romantic getaway disaster struck. The thing is when they met the first time, and subsequently over skype and video dates she had so worked on herself with extensions, make-up and clothes that flattered her more than what she actually was, so that when he saw her up close and in moments of intimacy he was in for a rude shock. He balked and poof, they had a bitter break up. Don’t get me wrong, I do agree this was hollow on his part, looks aren’t everything and the bedrock of a relationship must go deeper than appearances. 

Having said which the lady on her part should never have worked her look so far from reality with false hair, false eyelashes and other phoney accoutrements so that the attraction might have been to the real things that count long term.

Long term what keeps a relationship going is humour, honesty, fortitude, loyalty, affection, holding it together when your partner is losing the plot, integrity and most importantly fidelity.  I’m not going to deny that appearances count for a lot, and to dress well, smell good, have a good figure and smile is most important. But to entirely depend on appearances and to enhance them to unrealistic proportions with fraud pouts, fraud assets and artificial attitude is a big put off. Even just being over sweet to impress is unreal. If you’ve got a temper show it and discuss it, and then work on it, don’t hide it. Be honest about the good and the bad about yourself, it has a disarming effect on your date. Just avoid all kinds of artifice and be authentic and heartfelt. This way you will be loved for whom you are and it is a great self-esteem boost too.

On the other hand you will just have a relationship that is going to last only as long as you can keep the act going.

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