Friday, June 27, 2014

Cheating In Marriage #NishajamVwal

Some time ago a friend nonchalantly claimed "boys will be boys" when referring to her husbands indiscretions. Her husband, happy to oblige, had through the marriage been enjoying parallel relationships while she reared the kids, did the laundry and the housekeeping. 

I definitely take issue with this seemingly harmless arrangement. You might ask that if it works for them why should I be having a problem? Don't get me wrong, I'm no feverish feminist, but I definitely feel strongly about integrity and loyalty. And more importantly about it being the prerogative of a man to be the 'boy', justifying the 'boys will be boys' 'sentiment'.

Let me here go to the very beginning. I went to Loretto Convent and we were taught that 

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men are biologically polygamous and women are monogamous. This I don't believe applies to the present age of instant gratification and equal needs and desires for both sexes. And yet I find that women suppress their sexual needs more often than men and allow this behavior of being ridden roughshod over, especially in some of the more conservative families where the men are happily satiating themselves with other younger and obliging nymphets. But the women just ignore it all in their eagerness to keep the peace and not rock the boat. Especially in affluent business families where women are financially dependent in their men as well as in India's film industry where acting out intimate scenes leads to the Bollywood stars succumbing to each other's charms.

So does this mean the spouse sitting at home should take the same course as the spouse who seeks greener pastures and translate the marriage into an 'open' one? I'd say it's destructive course where two wrongs don't make a right- why bother to live a farce? If you are done with each other move on, but if you truly love each other and it's only physical excitement you're looking for, then be innovative within the marriage with each other or seek counselling. Don't put your kids and family through the humiliation of living through your fractured marriage gone wrong? 

My personal opinion is also that why would you be true to anyone in the world if you cannot keep a commitment that you made under oath to your spouse once? Sooner or later your secret arrangements of keeping your spouse occupied and your lovers happy will be exposed because the truth has a funny way of always surfacing like it did for my friend.

Let me continue with my friends story. Some years down the line the truth unraveled, the man's indiscretions came to light and his wife was no longer so flippant. All hell broke loose and matters came to a head ending up in hurt, bitterness, libel and divorce. At great expense to her husband my friend sued him for a divorce where the court convicted him for adultery and infidelity. It is after all a punishable offence in the eyes of the law to be married and being polygamous. 

My point is quite simple really. If you thrive in multiple partners and enjoy a rambunctious sex life, don't ever believe that you can have your cake and eat it to. Some human emotions and rules are universal and love, marriage and kids naturally lead to a sense of ownership and possessiveness. Not the obsessive variety but the reasonable desire to have that sense of comfort in the trust and integrity of your loved one. If at this time you realize that the one person you've put your life's lot with until 'death do you apart' is cheating on you, your entire foundation of trust upon all human kind is shaken. So if you love your spouse or partner is say exercise some self control or then break free and do your own thing. Don't engage a glorified maid and leave her with the yoke of home and responsibility while you go around like a stray dog tongue hanging out.  Be man enough to take a calculated course of either learning to say no to yourself or then breaking perms antsy free and having multiple partners. 

columnist and luxury consultant.

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