Do Besties Exist?
Can It Last Forever?
Is There A Forever?
These questions came to me often through my growing up years. I often wondered at all departures, break-up's and farewells whether there is a forever. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But are there tricks to make it last forever? I'd say yes, and that magic formula is respect, politeness and some healthy distance. The second you take your friends for granted and push them around, or then get pushed around, is the beginning of the end.
How do we handle a good friend who often pokes us and pricks our self esteem and prods us to confront ourselves in a manner that we would rather not. Do we do away with the friend or how do we handle it all was a question my friend posted on her facebook status. She seemed to suggest the friend becomes a pain in the neck that we're better off without because she was at a stage in life when she is fairly attuned to what she wants and has chosen to be. To the many responses she elicited on her ‘wall’ the most balanced ones echoed my belief strongly.
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My life has been about friends who have been part of my growth and metamorphosis, who have kept me firmly grounded. A best friend becomes like a spouse, whom we have to navigate and grow with. People are not like toilet tissue- you dont 'discard' them- you take the good with the bad and also allow them to know when they're being a pain in the neck. If they make you confront yourself in a manner you'd rather not, but which is helpful in the long run, perhaps you need to tell them to work out a way not to prick your self esteem or poke you.
Few people make you confront yourself; the service and benefit may well be worth the discomfiture if done in an appropriate manner. I look to close friends for feedback and guidance. How strange if you're walking around in a bubble of sycophants thinking you're perfect and someone so close will not tell you that it’s not okay?
The trick is to replace a person getting to you, from best friend to good friend. Happiness in profusion is something to celebrate. The more the merrier concept works for me. Dependencies are debilitating and 'bests' create the irksomeness. Better to have a garden than a bouquet?
Serendipitously, that same afternoon, another friend was most distressed. From the other side of the fence, she didn’t know how to convey some unpleasant home truths to her friend that she felt obliged to open her friends eyes about. The thing is, you have to do your best about being a sincere friend, but play the balance carefully. Each of us makes choices and we live life basis the set of specific conditions unique to us. So it is really not fair to judge unilaterally choices your near and dear ones have made, in accordance to their circumstances, beyond a point. So criticism must be given thoughtfully and not spurted out without care. If it doesn’t suit you, I’d say, distance yourself a little bit until you’ve weighed the pros and cons than jump into a situation being a odious do-gooder.
Distance! This is really my favourite solution to both the similar situations put to me this week. It buys you time to come up with solutions, i t makes you understand the consequences of your actions, and it makes your friend also work her head better so that you might not have to go through with the ordeal of apprising her of her issues.
The other hot favourite with me is to have many dear friends, but the kindergarten concept of ‘best friend’ is something we really must outgrow.
Nisha JamVwal is a celebrity columnist and luxury consultant.