Do We Need That Best Friend At Any Cost?
Do Besties Exist?
Can It Last Forever?
Is There A Forever?
@nishajamvwal
How do we handle a good
friend who often pokes us and pricks our
self esteem and prods us to confront ourselves in a manner that we would rather
not. Do we do away with the friend or how do we handle it all was a question my
friend posted on her facebook status. She seemed to suggest the friend becomes
a pain in the neck that we're better off without because she was at a stage in
life when she is fairly attuned to what she wants and has chosen to be. To the
many responses she elicited on her ‘wall’ the most balanced ones echoed my
belief strongly.
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My life has been about
friends who have been part of my growth and metamorphosis, who have kept me
firmly grounded. A best friend becomes like a spouse, whom we have to navigate
and grow with. People are not like toilet tissue- you dont 'discard' them- you
take the good with the bad and also allow them to know when they're being a
pain in the neck. If they make you confront yourself in a manner you'd rather
not, but which is helpful in the long run, perhaps you need to tell them to
work out a way not to prick your self esteem or poke you.
Few people make you
confront yourself; the service and benefit may well be worth the discomfiture
if done in an appropriate manner. I look to close friends for feedback and
guidance. How strange if you're walking
around in a bubble of sycophants thinking you're perfect and someone so close
will not tell you that it’s not okay?
The trick is to replace
a person getting to you, from best friend to good friend. Happiness in
profusion is something to celebrate. The more the merrier concept works for me.
Dependencies are debilitating and 'bests' create the irksomeness. Better to
have a garden than a bouquet?
Serendipitously, that
same afternoon, another friend was most distressed. From the other side of the
fence, she didn’t know how to convey some unpleasant home truths to her friend that
she felt obliged to open her friends eyes about. The thing is, you have to do
your best about being a sincere friend, but play the balance carefully. Each of
us makes choices and we live life basis the set of specific conditions unique
to us. So it is really not fair to judge unilaterally choices your near and
dear ones have made, in accordance to their circumstances, beyond a point. So
criticism must be given thoughtfully and not spurted out without care. If it
doesn’t suit you, I’d say, distance yourself a little bit until you’ve weighed
the pros and cons than jump into a situation being a odious do-gooder.
Distance! This is really my favourite solution to both the similar situations put to me this week. It buys you time to come up with solutions, i t makes you understand the consequences of your actions, and it makes your friend also work her head better so that you might not have to go through with the ordeal of apprising her of her issues.
The other hot favourite
with me is to have many dear friends, but the kindergarten concept of ‘best
friend’ is something we really must outgrow.
Nisha JamVwal is a celebrity columnist and luxury
consultant.
@nishjamvwal
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