Attraction Grows with achieving personal dreams! Love Yourself First

Are you Half A Couple

Yes I know that clingy feeling too well. You’re in love, and every minute is either a thought, or a feeling about the him or the her that occupies every minute of your being alive. You are in love!

Another scenario- you’re married and your life is about the spouse and the house. Chores, dinners, friends, all of life filled with together things about and engulfed with the life partner, for better or for worse until death do you apart!

While that is idealistic it is indeed not true always. The truth I believe is quite the opposite.

Did you stop to think about what fascinated you about your partner? The very individualistic characteristics that made the attraction happen? And the partner toward you? To retain that magic the most important thing is ‘me’ time. Time to grow, metamorphose - but happily single for that time where you find the essential you which made the attraction happen in the first place. Too much clinginess and you are just ‘half-a-couple’ joint at the hip.

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The trick is a fine balance, because total independence from your spouse can lead to drifting apart and disaster. Sharing and caring is the bedrock of your relationship. However your partner cannot be there only to be your shoulder to cry on or your sounding board. Bonding  is about it all, happy and sad moments. About dreams and plans. About astronomy and books and movies and life choices and yes, also chores. But yes, some nights out with friends, some time apart taking in a movie with the girls, or at a bar with the boys. A school re union where the spouse is a misfit. This is natural and important to make the relationship life long. Time apart makes love grow only stronger.

To feel like a prisoner with a cell mate and never nurture your own soul with your friends, harmlessly bonding or maybe speaking about things that your partner may not be engaged with is actually unhealthy. 

To spend time apart is inherent to a human being. Times have changed since when your parents thought of themselves as half a couple. We live in demanding, competitive times where to have a personality and a point of view of your own is important to keep the spark alive and keep you contextual. 

No longer is it normal to think of yourself as just an appendage to a relationship. To think of yourself as responsible for your own happiness is how our generation has grown up, so to expect some personal space when you are in a relationship is not unnatural. It encourages you to have a mind and a body that is engaging. And it is this space that encourages you to be all the more loving and nurturing when you are together, without feeling hemmed in. 

The respect that is brought about by giving space disallows you to vent freely and to mete out just any behaviour to your partner. You become mindful of your partners feelings and delighted with time together. The taking each other too much for granted is a thing then of the past.

To make her listen to you when you speak hanging to every word; To make her wait for you when you work long hours; That can only happen when you give her some independence and respect her space, and also give yourself some time out with the boys.  

To make him look at you with admiration. It is not a selfish point of view, in-fact it is a healthy outlook as long as you cherish time spent together. Allow him to do his thing occasionally and go for rambunctious cocktails with the girls? 

The bottom line is you cannot force love and longing. It has to emanate from within. Separate time only makes you miss each other all the more and come back charged and  passionate with a nourished soul. 

...And God forbid, you split up you'll have your identity, friends and most importantly some self worth intact!

Written for Printed & Published in Asian Age & Deccan Chronicle 

Nisha JamVwal nishajamvwal@gmail.com

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