Monday, June 18, 2012

Shama Sikender On Boyfriend Management- Possessiveness & Letting Go

An Actors Tips on Jealousy , Possessiveness & Letting Go To Win The Game of LOVE

When the very lovely Shama Sikender declared her relationship with Alexx O’Nel, lots of admirers were heartbroken and Bombay’s set was surprised that a model and actor was giving-up her single image so openly, nonchalantly. 

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Alex and Shama met through friends, at a sundown party and she was won over nearly immediately after he played music to her. They were his own compositions based on his experiences for his album which will release soon. The words were so deep they touched Shama and she became a fan. They connected, and their relationship has been one sans pretention where she didn’t see any reason to be clandestine.

 “If there is something special in your life,
then you have to declare it with much joy. There is nothing to hide. I wanted to always have a relationship that I could shout from the rooftops about. I feel love makes you fearless and open” avers Shama who is glowing with that special high that only love can bring to your face.

Coming from an orthodox Muslim family to have picked a man from America after years of being single met with some surprise from family and friends alike. But Shama is delighted in her choice -A free spirited girl who has been the main provider in her home, she was used to independence and freedom. A conventional Indian partner may have made many demands but this relationship came with liberation and space. Where Alexx doesn’t bind her, with a view on what she is wearing, whom she should speak to.

 “When a person is bound it doesn’t nurture a relationship. It shouldn’t be about ‘have to be’ with someone but “want-to-be” situation. He just allows me to be me.”

“I was going through a low phase due to ups and downs in my personal and professional life. When you are a giver and you don't know how to receive like me, I didn’t know how to make me happy. Alex filled that breach beautifully. He brings me much joy. I hadn’t been in a relationship for a long time and was feeling the emptiness. Alex is a person who gives independence, space and liberation so that you want the relationship.” Shama feels that most of men from our country don't give space to a girl. Especially if they see you as their wife or girlfriend Indian men impose their views too strongly.

“I do enjoy just the right amount of possessiveness. It’s charming. But the balance has to be so perfect. Too much and the cracks appear. The secret is that while people think by binding a person you hold onto them, the truth is totally opposite. I’m sharing this secret with much experience. – You hold onto anyone too strongly they suffocate, but leave them free to fly in your company and they’ll always come back from wherever they go because no one wants to live in a cage” is Shama’s forever philosophy.

Moving around in the space of glamour and celebrity, they do have some possessiveness but not jealousies. Lots of Shama’s friends did mention that she’s different in the fact that she doesn’t feel jealous at all. “Dominating and changing a person you love is the beginning of the end. You love someone the way he is so why would you want to change him into someone he isn’t. I don't believe in taking away the persons individuality that attracted me in the first

“A person is a person of his own first and only then do you belong to someone else. If you forget yourself in a relationship then the problems begin. I have mostly male friends, and I go out with them often, share with them. It is very important to go around, flirt a little bit, come back home and it infact makes you love your partner even more”

There is a lack of imposition in the equation that Alexx and Shama share, to the extent that they take one day at a time and there is no discussion about marriage. “Probably there is much more happiness between us than I see in many other relationships because we don't think of the future. We live in the now. The pressures of marriage are not in our space just now.” And this is probably what gives it an instancy , a sense of living in the moment and staying happy.

Written for Printed & Published in Asian Age & Deccan Chronicle 

Nisha JamVwal
Tweet Nisha @nishjamvwal


Anonymous said...

thanx a lot nish, for keeping my words d same as we spoke and making them sound so beautiful, you r beautiful in and out, loads of love always there for you....shama...xoxox

Anuja said...

Awesome article! So true and beautifully written your heart goes out to Shama! Wish her all the happiness in the world she's a stunning young woman and deserves to be happy!

Praga Deesan said...

hEy ......osm

Alexx ONell said...

this is such a lovely article! Its a pleasure to feature in an article by, undoubtedly, the most articulate lifestyle writer in the industry. Now, a few months down the line, I'm happy to report that we're already a number of songs into recording on the album - I look forward to sharing it with you soon.
Love, Thanks, and Friendship,

Nisha JamVwal Roller Coaster Called Life