It was two painful months away from a loved one. I don't recall whose fault it was, nor what were the details of the quarrel. So it surely was not so monumental! And yet I couldn’t call-up and bridge the void even though I missed my friend philosopher and guide. I was ‘happy’ to stay away and convince myself that I’m better off without, rather than suffer the ‘humiliation’ of ‘going back’ on my words of annoyance when we last met. So what stopped me really from bringing back the happy times? Yes, the fear of rejection. Yes , the ego thing that looms so large in our lives. It’s like a corpse we carry around with us that debilitates us from flying and soaring. It took a good friend to shake me out of my condescension and holler, “pick up the phone and be the bigger person”. CLICK BELOW TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE........
It’s true it might not have been the same right after the argument, things can be said in the myopia of anger, but I realize that you cannot wait too long because both of you loose out on precious time. Does it really matter whose fault it was? If its a person you like obviously the person will figure out they should have been gracious too?
Does it really matter in the broad scheme of things who is right? Is it important to always be right, or is there a great relief in being wrong, knowing it and getting the load off your chest and acquiescing to being wrong endearingly? Self importance, proving points, winning an argument are states of being best left behind I think, to embrace the liberation of admitting some foibles?
Few of us realize that our biological clocks are ticking. It seems like yesterday isn’t it that our grandparents were laughing by our sides? Some of us don't have them anymore. No, we cannot go back into time and mend the glitches in relationships where one or the other of the loved ones has passed on into another realm of being. And in our transient times, we cannot know when any of our dear ones will up and go. So my two month estrangement from my friend woke me up to the smart thing to do when we miss our special kindred souls (who are mostly few and far between) –to bite the bullet and not allow high horses to create abyss that then lead to deep chasm’s and lacuna.
You’re waiting to hear what happened? She squealed with delight on hearing my voice. We brought each other up to speed about our worlds, trivia about things that we’d missed in each other’s lives for two months and no she didn’t bring up any of the ‘you- said- I -said ‘ baggage and yes we are back to being every day friends.
So what are you waiting for? Get to that phone or better still go and ring the doorbell of the person you love , the person you’re missing. That special soul in your life whom some trivial misunderstanding or miscommunication has prevented you from enjoying due to ego and self-importance?
This article was written for and published in The Asian Age & Deccan Chronicle
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"The ego is your enemy, not your friend. It is the ego that gives you wounds and hurts you. It is the ego that makes you violent, angry, jealous, competitive. It is the ego that is continuously comparing and feeling miserable."
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to see n believe how people are ready to end their lovely friendship or relation just because their egos. Being an Aries (very egoistic ppl) i have been able to eliminate my ego to a great extend. I have lost many lovely people in my life just coz of my BIG ego and when i realized my mistake it was too late. So i would request all u lovely people out there eliminate ur ego n call or msg the ppl u love. BE THE BIGGER PERSON!!
BE THE BIGGER PERSON.. but there is a thin line between EGO and SELF RESPECT..."when to stop from making the first move?" is the Bigger Question
ReplyDeletea wonderful write.succinct.pragmatic yet pretty magical advice.love the confluence of the contemporary with the traditional, resulting in a new style.e.g ."smart thing to do when we miss our special kindred souls"
ReplyDelete:)
Yes totally, Anonymous it is a big question, I had that one too, but like I mentioned if the person is worth it they'll see it like it is ie you being the bigger/ gracious person. IF they dont, then its a good way of coping out of the equation totally , realizing that it wasnt worth it after all?
ReplyDelete@Shail Gulhati , big welcome back, missed your thoughts and views, and yes Shail, I think we are in an age where a good balance of the traditional and the racy is a great way to go? what say?
ReplyDelete@ Rishabh , totally with you on this, ego is the biggest fogger of the windscreen!
ReplyDelete@Nisha. Absolutely.The balance of racy and traditional is something right after my own heart,haha was just writing these lines on Shiva for my new book,please see the connect:):)
ReplyDeleteHe liked Vishnu. Despite the completely diverse style, despite the different setup, the well thought out plans, the overgroomed ,extra mushy attendants, the penchant for titles and kingship, and all things orderly and articulated. And while he himself , was quite the opposite. He loved his obscurity, if anything at all. His dwelling was chosen deliberately on a fringe location to afford him the freedom of his own gypsy way of life. Was he Non conformist?
Not really, he had a genuine respect for tradition, but just that he had found the other wing of healthy balance, a freedom to trust instinct and birth creativity, a freedom of openly giving expression to his own existence in this Great Universe of which he was now a manifest part.
Sometimes, with friends and dear ones, it is always prudent to just let be, rather than go over-board and prove your point in any discussion, leave alone an argument.
ReplyDeleteLosing the argument knowingly gives so much satisfaction especially when you see your loved ones winning. So why not?
Interesting and so true! I had a fallout with a good friend few years back and completely cut off contact. Recently i thought about her alot,decided make amends and emailed her. We've now met up a few times joking and gossiping again, and also received an invite to her wedding later this year. That first step was totally worth it!
ReplyDeleteIF they dont, then its a good way of coping out of the equation totally , realizing that it wasnt worth it after all?
ReplyDeletei like this post very much thanks a lot for sharing.
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