Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Nagging for attention By Nisha JamVwal




Another night at dinner alone, and every time Natasha brings up this topic, her husband Zain, already on a short fuse with piles of work, ambitions and stress snaps and feels she’s just adding to his already full and pouring plate of “issues”.
The suggestion that they go to the movies and dinner meets with a look like she was suggesting he take her to Tahiti.


Just this morning she messaged me saying he just wasn’t the man she’d married. The one who’d made her feel like the cynosure of his universe, made her feel sexy, on top of the world.


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Today when she asks for some time together, or if he could talk to her focusedly instead of being so distracted by his BlackBerry he just barks at her and tell’s her that she’s becoming a “nag”. Here’s what I feel about the situation – When you’ve established that you love each other and are done with the dating and mating game, it’s time to get a life beyond and greater than the romance phase.


He has ambitions Natasha and so must you! If you’re doing it right then you should have your plate full. Not only the “contract” of running a stellar home, being a good hostess, spick and span house, but also addressing your own interests and areas of competency. It could be a game, it could be a hobby or it could be a job.
Nothing is more drab than a spouse who is vegetating and stagnating. Nothing is more stimulating and romantic than keeping pace, growing together and rising to the challenge of multitasking life’s challenges.


This definitely does not mean doing lunch over “gossip”, denigrating all and feeling better by the sheer dint of a false sense of superiority or just buying handbags and diamonds. I mean reading, working, golf, seeing that the house works like a well-oiled machine and making some time together.


Nothing is more drab than a nag who sits at home and expects that a marriage certificate should mean delighted attentiveness by a spouse almost automatically. It should not be an obligation but a delight to be with you. You still have to be “attractive” as a person to attract attention? Or would you feel good to have to “demand” it? 


Published Deccan Chronicle & Asian Age
written By Nisha JamVwal
This Blog Courtesy Deccan Chronicle

5 comments:

Aradhna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aradhna said...

Nisha, that's so true. That is the reason marriages break up after 25 years - when the kids are have flown and the empty nest syndrome sets in I suppose... Both hubby and wife have to keep the spark alive. A romantic dinner for two once a month is not enough. You've got to have things to talk about, to share... show that you care. And hubbies - they must also know that the wife is a homemaker and perhaps a career woman - but above all, he must respect her as an individual with a mind of her own.
What say?

NISHA JAMVWAL said...

@Aradhna totally true, and love can only exist with respect. You cannot force love through certificates!

Kris said...

I agree, its about happiness, spark and enjoyment than forcing a relationship and forcing companionship.

Anonymous said...

what about the man? Does not he have responsiblities to his wife? and if no one reminds him then the wife is forced to?

Nisha JamVwal Roller Coaster Called Life