Friday, October 21, 2011

Long Distance Relationships

Living Apart & Loving Apart

The weather, the  location, the language , the skin color might be different , but underneath it all , we share similar emotions. I am in Valencia, Spain. Carlos has parted with his girlfriend in Rio. “It was the distance that did us in” he admits melancholically.

I too had to deal with a long distance relationship once, and it is a challenge. Once insecurity and jealousy kick in- composure is a distant dream. However hard you try  you do have misgivings and may loose confidence in your partner occasionally with the miles between you. 

Feeling abandoned is normal. Doubt plays a big part in creating havoc. What may seem to be normal when you were still together feels a little bit uncomfortable, such as his or her friendship with others. Harmless intentions seem like flirting and then insecurity sets in.

No one individual is necessarily bad. The couple love each other, but misunderstandings abound sans eye contact, physical proximity and that inimitable sense of togetherness that comes from touch, feel and that special look! A phone just doesn’t measure up when trust issues creep in. You read so much into just a voice on the phone or a sentence on an internet chat. The lull in the tone could really be just exhaustion, a work issue, or even just lack of sleep but is misunderstood for another man in her life.                                                                                                    With the distance it is often easy to misinterpret, misunderstand, or discount your partner's feelings, words or actions on account of the difficulty of communication, clarity of intent or effort as contrasted with that of regular dating relationships. And this lack of communication (especially if augmented with different time zones and scheduling conflicts) spell trouble.

The question I’d ask myself here, is, is it worth it? Are you in a relationship worth fighting for? And if the answer is yes then one of the partners has to make the move to be with the other. A relationship is after all about being together in every sense. The sooner you do, the faster you add value in terms of happiness and companionship to your relationship. “It is pointless if it is going to be distant always’ avers Javier.

A relationship is not only about sweet nothings and romance. Adjustment and sacrifice is a large part and must come from both partners. A couple who are much in love, committed and completely honest about their feelings for each other surpass any obstacle that may threaten to ruin their relationship. However a long distance relationship that does not stand the test of time and tide is not worth fighting for even if you are tenacious and not the kind to abandon a commitment.
And so Javier realized that it was time he moved on, not wanting more attachment to cause even more pain in that intense time for parting.  

Written By Nisha JamVwal'
For Deccan Chronicle & Asian Age
Printed & Published By Deccan Chronicle & Asian Age

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