Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Exploitative Women In A Situation Of Bitter Divorce


DON'T USE THE LAW TO EXPLOIT THAT ESTRANGED SPOUSE, AFTER ALL YOU ONCE LOVED HIM/HER

In a response to my blog, a man named Joy recently wrote of terrible atrocities meted out to him by his ex wife, asking for advise. 


I was shocked and disturbed to read of his peril but also did not find it at all odd nor out of the ordinary. Often , and with greater regularity I see today that men are ridden rough shod over by women who manipulate the law to garner sympathy and 'run away' with wealth and property , that is not their entitlement calling it stree dhan or even maintenance. Or then with the children , using them as bargaining tools to negotiate more money and property.





I feel strongly that it is so instinctive to sympathize with the woman, and so often the man is ridden rough shod over , that it is ignored that a man too has feelings, can get hurt, isolated and be left bereft and financially depleted pandering to the demands of a sometimes exploitative woman who uses the divorce to her advantage!In my work with NGO's I often see men unheard and unsung in a parting, beacause it is naturally assumed that men are the malefactors!


I have often seen women use their sexuality and fragility as a tool to manipulate sympathy in a divorce. The preconceived notion that the woman is oppressed is often played to advantage by the woman in garnering sympathy and material benefits to her own advantage. In the new emerging middle class in the emerging modern India the woman is often financially independent or well equipped to support herself , and yet she manipulates the legal system to milk a man for alimony because the law naturally favors the woman and the man is left the looser despite the failure of the marriage being the responsibility of the woman. Why is it that a woman is naturally assumed to be the weaker and therein the benefactor financially often leaving the man bereft emotionally and sometimes without ware withal to make a new start?

The days of Maintenance are antiquated, and having an 'ex' should not absolve a woman from following a career of her own, assuming a free meal ticket for life at the expense of the husband who must carry the yoke for life.

Society in an emotionally overcharged outlook often does not see in this dichotomy that the man may be more dismantled by the wreck of the marriage in all the ways that the woman is AND more, but is inhibited from looking for support, sympathy and financial help by theis general rule of thumb tht the woman is the ‘WEAKER SEX’. By nature the man is never allowed to cry, men have less recourse to family support and are certainly more deserving today of a DISCERNING settlement that does not go overboard just because the opposite party is a woman. In today’s influx no generalizations that woman are weaker is valid.

Many women in Metro’s are the decision makers, as is evident from advertisements which prove that women call the shots in a household and often they also use sex as a tool to get their way. They have that advantage!

Today you see husband beaters, control freak women, boss ladies, women with claws on the purse strings of a husband toiling all day where she sponges upon him to maintain her lifestyle  of driving in Merc's and donning Prada and Valentino.

My point is there is not one universal solution that holds true in a divorce, it is no longer contextual to view the woman as oppressed, I often see her as the aggressive oppressor and the law lopsidedly equips her to be the ‘perceived oppressed’ while she is the oppressor exploiting a divorce as a meal ticket for life to maintain the same lifestyle without the responsibilities that come with a marriage which she might have failed at.

She often goes out to use every ammunition to her very canny advantage just because she ‘deserves’ all the trappings, a committee must evaluate the exploited man as well in all fairness.

India is no longer a land of just drought and excruciating poverty, there is a dichotomy where a wide strata of uber luxuriant millionaires exist, similarly no longer is the Indian woman the Sacrificial oppressed ‘Nirupa Roy’ in villages or in the city. 


Society in an emotionally overcharged outlook often does not see in this dichotomy that the man may be more dismantled by the wreck of the marriage in all the ways that the woman is AND more, but is inhibited from looking for support, sympathy and financial help by this general rule of thumb that the woman is the ‘WEAKER SEX’. By nature the man is never allowed to cry, men have less recourse to family support and are certainly more deserving today of a DISCERNING settlement that does not go overboard just because the opposite party is a woman. 


In today’s influx no generalizations that woman are weaker is valid feel strongly on this subject, with respect, i stand by my take on this one, (cognizant that each experience is unique and different) that more often than not women gain the sympathy automatically, and it is almost always assumed that the man is in the wrong, assumed that the woman is weak, the law too sides with the woman.
I had the privilege last evening to spend time with famed lawyer Mrunalini Deshmukh, who is an experienced lawyer and spokesperson on the subject of divorce. She has kindly shared her valued opinion with us here-


"your views on exploitation of men are absolutely correct Nisha-
educated working woman demanding alimony in my view is degrading to women and the legal process should not be used to settle scores or give vent to vengeance .It is meant to dispense justice which means that which is fair, equitable and just.
I also feel the women,s organisations/NGO sometimes do it to further their cause as some of the NGO,s work on getting a percentage from the alimony received by the wife from the husband.


I advocate that financially independent women should not claim alimony or asset sharing and we as mother,s should encourage our daughter,s to be self sufficient and not financially dependent on husbands as dependency leads to domination and exploitation.
This also includes the abuse of law by certain sections of women in society either on the advice of NGO,s or others .
we must hold some sort of a discussion on these issues to bring about a parallel impact on the society"


http://wn.com/Wife_abusing_husband,_son_witnessing__IndiaTV_part1


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do_8NyLxK4k&feature=player_embedded#!


This website is an attempt to create awareness among Indian nationals about the rampant misuse of 498a (Dowry Law misuse) by unscrupulous women to extort money and harass their husband's entire extended family. This webs...ite is dedicated to the victims of gender-biased laws of India (498a and domestic violence against women law) and provides comprehensive and free information about how to protect yourself and take preventive measures to save your family from this law which has been termed as 'legal terrorism' by Honorable Supreme Court of India.


The future can be one of disastrous results due to badly formulated and gender biased laws Domestic violence against women law which grossly violates the liberty and dignity of an average man and his extended family members. Anyone who is educated and reads the guidelines of the law can see how vicious this law is and what it's social implications are and will be.


nishjamwal@gmail.com
For & about exploited men
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