Monday, January 13, 2014

Party Season & You're Feeling Left Out? Here's How To Handle It!

    Alone On New Years Eve?

No where to go and mortified? Not that you don't have a million things to occupy you, but you don't like the feeling of being left out? 

Yes Cinderella was alone too on the night of the Ball, and no, we dont have a physical fairy God Mother who will appear with a magic wand. But don't panic, you can change it all by being your own fairy God Mother. Change your attitude, and be a friend before the upsurge of expectations begin to engulf you. 

Start by inviting your friends over or take them out for a change. Don't believe that it's your birthright to be called when your close circle is invited, just because you belong to the gang. And please do not sulk with your friends, that is indeed harakiri!

 Do you know , that to gain a friend you first have to be one. Not by just hanging around, but by making the effort, reciprocating, calling, asking and being hospitable. And if you still are not invited then please do not throw a tantrum!

It’s the party season, and friends host parties galore at this time.   I find myself inundated with bbm’s of how attractive I’m looking on my dp, ESPECIALLY at the time I am hosting a party. 

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All of us enjoy being invited and like feeling wanted, but what if we are forgotten at an important ‘do’ and all our other friends are invited. I notice a common ‘trick’ used by some people is to send a ‘subtle’ message around the time the party is being hosted to ‘remind’ your friend that she has forgotten you.

Only very sensitive people suffer when not invited to
every party hosted by their friends, and the controlling type of people overreact, act offended and hold you hostage to their hurt at this time. Some even call you to chat about inane matters and you know what the call is about. Is that smart? I’d say a big ‘no’. Better to be forgotten for a few dinners and parties and hold your self-respect intact. Think of it as a time to rejuvenate, catch up on your reading and complete all the errands you had put on the back burner.

 Because what you think are subtle hints, are actually the sure shot way of eroding your self-respect in your own eyes and also looking over eager to attend. One party less never hurt, but loss of face sure will.

The most important question to ask yourself is whether you have ever invited your friend over. So many people , especially in the bigger metros, expect to be invited just because they belong to the group of friends that is being invited. But etiquette and relationship management’s first pointer is that you must reciprocate invitations, and if your home is small and you are ill equipped, then take your friends out for dinner. Even a gesture of warmth never goes amiss.

An acquaintance I know in Bombay actually makes a scene, calls her friends, throws a tantrum, sends annoyed messages to the host and goes to town ranting and raving. She is the butt of all jokes and the common example for a person who makes herself so unpleasant for invitations. Does it help her image in the eyes of her cronies? Not only does it make things worse for her, but her friends actually look down upon her and jokes about her abound.

With houses becoming smaller, property prices increasing, people often call fewer numbers to house parties. Another consideration to keep in mind is that one tends to group people according to interests and types when creating the right mix for a house party. I don’t believe that it is possible to call your entire friend list always. This is exactly why one needs to be patient and mature when you feel left out and instead call your friend and make her feel loved and wanted.

One cannot overlook the fact however, that your friend might be offended of put off by something. Let it pass and cool down. Your friend may not wish you to find out, or then on the other hand may actually want you to know about the party so that you are put down and you don’t even know what you did wrong. You may not be able to recollect anything you did that would have antagonized your friend. 

Tell yourself that this too shall pass. Remember that time is the best healer and pretend that you don't know what's going on. If you must speak about it and clear the air, do it after the party is over so that your friend knows that you weren't desperate to angle an invitation and that you are interested in the long term of the relationship. Being over eager to be at ever do will only always work against you.

Remember with what degree of elan Priyanka scoffed away the humiliation of being left out of the 'Don' celebration party by Shah Rukh Khan's wife? No drama , no fuss, just dignity.

Over analyzing a situation never helped. Move on and deal with other bigger issues in your life, but whatever you do, don’t call your friend on the day of the party to drop what you think is a ‘indirect’ hint. Always remember -life is so long, and there will be plenty of other occasions for revelry.

There is no better way to receive love than to give it.  The most effective way to earn affection is to spread it around and not demand attention and your ‘rights’ because there is no stipulated law when it comes to friendships.

Nisha JamVwal
Nisha is a Luxury consultant and a celebrity lifestyle columnist

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