Are You Taking your Friend for Granted?

Stop Taking Your Friends For granted Before it is too Late

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." C.S. Lewis

Nothing is more enjoyable to me than an movie evening and dinner with a close friend. But then this may not be the close friend’s idea of ‘fun’. This I discovered quite to my surprise when I was ‘dumped’ four times in a row, all the time realizing my ‘friend’ had chosen more ‘important’,  options over a tête à tête with me.  I was already in her life so she needed to make more 'conquests'. 


You see, when she’d made the ‘date’ , that evening had been event-less for her. But when more ‘important’ 'socially consequential' occasions presented themselves she felt I’d be there anyway in her life. Waiting. 

The 'social' occasions would not come again, and along with them the chance to move up the social ladder and create more relevance for her social 'station'. Funnily enough, I had instead declined my parties and dinners for that very night, in the desire to spend quality time with this same friend.

Before her divorce she had been engaging, attentive, and a real friend whom I had enjoyed the company of. For the sake of her company. 

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Have you noticed how in a world moving toward dehydrated single women and an arid landscape of recession, people like this don't realize the comfort and contentment in relationships and the security of good friends.  In a life where ‘high net-worth’ and the ‘pecking order’ count for so much, ‘friends’ are constantly looking to add value to their ‘list’. Ironically no sooner have you been ‘acquired’ they are off to look for the next conquest. So then in the new age you are an ‘opportunity’ not a friend. Or you’re in a passionate romance and so friends automatically take the backseat.

In relationships that truly count we cannot take for granted our loved ones, and only make the effort with new entrants we wish to charm, forgetting to be loving, forgiving and attractive to the persons who enrich our lives. Our ‘P’s & Q’s’ cannot become irrelevant with our near and dear ones when we are utmostly sociable with outsiders. 

This is also a fall out of the ‘I’m not ok your not ok syndrome’ where a person with a deep seated low self esteem does not love themselves in the first place, so anyone who loves and nurtures them is upto no good anyway. Because "they have to be ‘off their rockers' to love me???"

If you feel chronically like a victim in your own life, you are most likely inadequate in a relationship in some way. Therefore you end up taking your friends for granted and everything takes priority but the truly enriching persons in your life. So it is important for you to do some introspection, because you definitely need friends to be there for you. All of us do to feel cosseted and loved.

Friendship and love is where you are yourself, you grow with each other, to unfurl your own wonder in the company of your friend and help her unfurl hers in your company. And to have a good friend one has to be one. That joy of companionship for the sake of companionship, that inspiration that we feel in each other, that sense of well being and comfort to me epitomises friendship. 

Nisha JamVwal

ps While this article was written for and published in The Asian Age & Deccan Chronicle, due to space constraints it was shortened.

This is the complete unedited version

 on the Nisha JamVwal Blog