Bon Voyage Sushant Singh Rajput

Coping With The greatest Malaise of Our Times 

What happened to #SushantSinghRajput?

A young happening actor has hung himself, and the world is sharing their thoughts that come from one common reaction, shock! Sushant Singh Rajput's most noticeable asset was his smile, isn't it? 
It's what you remember most when you think of him

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When the world sees a happy, well-adjusted energetic person it might not be a reality. Perceptions are not reality however real appearances might be. Look at Robin Williams who made all of us laugh. 

- One of the greatest comedians in Hollywood- that he committed suicide baffles me.

 And then many years ago, the legend Dale Carnegie who wrote self-help books on happiness also took his life in depression -makes me really wonder what happiness is all about and how does one define and quantify it and more importantly how do we find it in our lives? Is it a success and material possessions? Can’t be! Or then Alexander McQueen, celebrated, loved and wealthy to the point of excess would definitely not have taken his life. Could it be pain and tragedy that cause a person to end their lives? I doubt that because pain and unhappiness is part of every human beings life existence. Yes, I know, depression and drug overdose are obvious causes, but in the first place, they occur due to inadequacies born out of unhappiness!

So then what is the way out to grapple with pain, loss, and suffering? I’d say the only way out is within. What comes to mind is a famous quote about happiness 

–‘chasing happiness is like chasing a butterfly in a garden. Try to capture it and it evades you. Sit on a bench and close your eyes - it will come and rest on your shoulder’.

Depression, anxiety, and stress. The most insidious epidemic of our times that is said to be the cause for all disease today -even with the big ‘C’ - stress and anxiety are cited as the big causes. It surreptitiously makes its way into our lives before we know what’s hit us and we find we are the victims of panic attacks and low performance at work.  More often than not even kids at school find themselves struck by this new age epidemic. 

The rapid spread of this most common malaise is- believe it or not - loneliness. Isn’t that is the biggest contradiction considering this is the most ‘connected’ age ever. Social media even connects people from different counties and geographies as if they were next door and yet feeling isolated is a great anomaly of our times? Did you know that one in four people that die in India die due to suicide caused by anxiety, despair, lack of help, and the inability to reach out? Feeling isolated and the huge pressure of performance and FOMO overwhelm, cause dread of living, apprehension, uncertainty, and fear. 

Everyone has good days and bad days - there is no shame in feeling depressed and down. Why is there still a stigma with being unable to cope with the pressure? Having a ‘dark patch’ with anxiety, stress is like fever or a cold! Face up and fess up. I know from working with a lot of anxiety victims that pretending takes its toll. 

Sharing brings caring- allow the breeze in and open up - don’t feel you have to always look perfect. Pretending is passé - the new age way is to be real, be you, come clean! Growing up is about acknowledging and sorting. Age is just a number. Whatever your age, fifty, sixty, sixteen, you always always have scope to ‘grow-up and fess-up’. The greatest step is to acknowledge one's fears and feelings of inadequacy. 

Every success story has many failures hidden within. I’ve found from my own journey that these experiences actually form the construct and matrix of success later. 

The wheel of fortune is not consistent and internalizing this is the beginning of coping and change from within. We need to take it all with a pinch of salt and look at the big picture in life. What is most important is that if you cannot counsel yourself and cannot cope - then the most important thing is to reach out.  It could also be just a hormonal change or some chemical imbalance that could be dealt with medically? 

Neerja Birla who is the founder of a mental health care facility Mpower is a flagbearer of dealing with stress and reaching out for help. Her fight is to create awareness and spread information about mental illness, and she works tirelessly to dispel misconceptions about mental health issues. Just like you can have diabetes or incontinence you can have anxiety, stress, and panic attacks. “We need to immediately red flag issues and understand that it’s ok not to be ok! I always stress upon parents and friends to listen to their kids and peers in a very non-judgemental way” she avers and you can see that this is her greatest passion as she shares her thoughts.  It was her own tryst with anxiety and post-natal depression that led her to explore the avenues and support system available in India. She was taken aback to find very little in terms of support systems for people suffering from mental health issues and it was when she saw this paucity she decided to create not only support for mental health care but also the much-needed awareness on these issues. 

Feeling left out or ignored is not unusual so don’t blame yourself for extraneous issues. Don’t be hard on yourself. I’d highly recommend reaching out in the flesh to a friend or member of your family then turning to social media as your coping mechanism.  

The funny thing is we do the opposite when we are feeling low - we withdraw or disconnect and go into a shell when we feel anxious. 

This is when you have to push yourself to reach out and find purpose. Even attending an event to participate in can augment a sense of purpose and give you the much-needed dose of belonging to move forward. 

Finding support groups, reaching out to trusted friends, communicating and opening up and getting sound professional help is a great start to bring in the sunshine.

Remember always the time, perseverance, love, care, and big-time effort your parents took to bring you up. Don't just damage what is not yours alone. Your life is an outcome of a lot of people's love and care isn't it?

Nisha JamVwal 

Tweet @nishjamvwal

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nishajamvwal@gmail.com 

An Interconnected Humanity #NishaJamVwal

There is a connected feeling of shared happiness or sorrow in this world- stay connected & spread happiness 💗

Farah Khan Kunder, the film director made a compelling point on her Instagram recently. This phase the world is seeing- is not a global party of eating, partying, drinking wine, and making fancy foods.  This is not an extended spa-cation at home which many seem to be mistaking it for. No doubt we need to occupy ourselves fruitfully without contracting depression, but on the other hand, we do so need to understand the gravity of this situation. Many places in the world are actually running short of body bags for the millions of deaths recorded and increasing by the day. It is indeed a somber time for humanity.  

We worry about our loved ones and now through this crisis, we need to also think of humanity as a whole and reach out with help. In our own way. I am trying to give support and help to people suffering from anxiety and stress, and offering help for getting logistics sorted for people who are at sea about testing, PPE kits, masks, and procuring groceries. I am also working for the spiritual leader and motivational coach Gauranga Prabhu to generate funds to feed four thousand homeless people in the Wada area.  What is it that is your chosen path to assist at this time? Imagine how much easier we can make this period if each of us reaches out, help, and do one little bit for humanity. Our larger family?

When I see posts of wine, food, work out on social media I cringe at the emotions that would pass by someone’s mind who is losing a close family member to Covid or then losing their own lives. Have we become such a selfish race that we are oblivious to anyone else’s anguish or pain? That unless we are going through the excruciating loss of a family member we will not realize the grimness of the situation just now? In my lifetime I haven’t seen such a devastating situation where no one knows if they will survive the next week. Of course for everyone that is cognizant and aware, are ten ignorant foolhardy individuals who believe that this is a great free extended holiday to drink wine, eat all the time, and show off on social media about the ‘fun’ they are having at this time. Every day social media posts of wine, workouts, cuisine, and song to increase following and likes at any cost and with this avarice and attention-seeking selfishness might not be the way forward when the world is in mourning and the people who are losing their near and dear cannot see their loved ones one last time due to fear of contamination. Even last rites are not possible and are being conducted through computer channels.

Please don’t imagine you are immune to what is happening around you. Until it hits your life, if you are going to be insensitive and unconcerned, you are heading for a very big shakeup of reality. There is panic and loss all around us and we absolutely need to show sensitivity and reach out to help. All humankind is connected as one super consciousness.

Don’t get me wrong, am I advocating fear, somber silences, or anxiety at all. Quite the contrary.  I’m not even saying stop your wine and food binges or relaxation. I’m merely saying apart from your throwback pictures of reminiscence, do have some sensitivity toward the environment we are in currently. Have compassion, sympathy, and reach out in some small way to the suffering world. It is not currently a happy world. It is a world staggering with the weight of a mammoth unprecedented pandemic of apocalyptic proportion and formidable unpredictability. Mankind that had arrived on the moon and is attempting to go to Mars that has AI and robots cannot conquer this very tiny virus that is even obliterated by some soap bubbles.

So often I’ve had a friend or acquaintance say --"I’m so miserable, all the fear and stress is causing strain on our nerves. I have had an altercation with my husband/offspring/parent/friend/ employee and I’m sorry to admit I hurt them with my words/ temper/ outburst!". Tempers fly when living cooped up with each other. Anxiety and imagined future scenarios of corona and loss, make one behave unreasonable –and creating unpredictable moods and fuzzy mental clarity.

Is that not a simple QED? – You are connected and the pain you cause leaves you with as much discomfort and unease as you caused. And it’s the same with feeling good. So if you believe that hurting those who are currently suffering hunger, disease, contamination, fear or just plain anxiety are too far from your current state of holiday, food, relaxation, and lethargy, you might be wrong. This malaise is all around us, all over the world, no one is immune, not even little children as was thought before. Every day new truths come forward about Covid, and new frightening realities reveal themselves about this insidious virus that even shows itself twelve days after you have got it.

Your child’s joy or even your dear friend's success are contagious -there is a connected feeling of shared happiness or sorrow in this world. Please don’t count yourself immune in this haze of wine, food, and song. The Buddhist says not just humans but all sentient life is connected and my Lhasa apso pup taught me that first-hand. He shared his bouncing joy and love and I was immediately surrounded by his infectious euphoria. Were I in a moment of tears he’d come up on my shoulder, smothering my face all over with his comforting licks. No dog lover will contest the connectedness of all existence! Like we worry about our loved ones because our innate being is conscious at all levels that we are one connected family, so also we must be concerned and show that concern for humanity as a whole because our innate being is conscious at all levels that we are an interconnected humanity.

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#TimesSheUnLTD Entrepreneur Awards 2020 | Judge - Nisha JamVwal