Thursday, March 16, 2017

NiceGirls Finish Last !!!

Sugar and Spice and all things Nice?

Recently I came across a case of separation for reasons that were jaw-dropping strange! As I heard out this friend the case got curiouser and curiouser!!  “Rishi, let me get this clear", I asked "You broke up because she was just too darn nice and too much a wifey little thing?" He took great verbosity and some time to get across what seemed an oxymoron when we’re speaking matrimony! "You mean you didn't want a wife who was a good wife candidate?" I asked, understandably befuddled. Between the no-no's and yes yesses and "not like that’s” what I deciphered was that a man can feel differently toward an intended wife and a steady girlfriend.

This difference is the romantically stimulating-desirable girl as opposed to the caring-too-much girl, and the latter in a suffocating kind of way of being fussed upon. I’d never have believed it, but there is a situation where being loved too much can also be a problem!? Seemingly so!
“Listen, there needs to be some fun and flair, and a little playful space. Even uncertainty that makes for pizazz. Quit the blandness lady. I think I prefer celebratory champagne over the goody-goody glass of milk.” Candid he was and it was then that a well-known saying came to my mind- “nice girls finish last’!

Accommodating and most of all that ‘too much of a "wife-thing" and a man can feel like a “dog on a leash!" Which meant -he felt the pressure of being domesticated already. It seemed to even take the edge off from flirtation - the most charming time before being tied down. The very acquiescing, accommodating and agreeing nature of the steady girlfriend even brought blandness to the relationship that made the comparison of milk to a heady whiskey seem apt!

Its quite clear to me now. Man or woman, when fussed upon too much, end up feeling hemmed in by so much over-agreement. It puts them on tenterhooks about doing, saying, suggesting anything. That they are not quite themselves and almost do not enjoy being with their loved ones on a one-to-one. My friend here even seemed to resent the copyrighted smugness that took over with this air at undue domestication. If he was in a group she took on the role of his official hostess and busied about his space.

The spice of a tiff, that thrill of making up after some playful light-heartedness, exciting "hunt", some "chase" that a partner enjoys in the challenge of getting the girl or man is missing!  Of course after marriage the mind-set is familiar and accepting of domesticity to a greater degree. Naturally all these things are individual things, and as they say "one man's food….etc." but one can perhaps understand that anything - even a good thing can be a bit much. As the French say -a bit "de trop".

It's wiser to tread a path where one is not unappreciated for good endeavours and is not taken for granted, or worse resented. Too much of a good thing can be too much. A toss of the coiffured hair and a naughty backward smile- and tell the gent where he gets off. - Way to go girl!! He may even come chasing behind!

At the end I think everyone must be their own self. After all, each relationship is an individual equation and one size certainly doesn’t fit all! If a girl likes being the "wifey" model -sure be that because there's the man out there who will love you for it but remember there are greater chances of being taken for granted if you are too giving without receiving too. The art of being a giver and a taker.

Or as his very married friend added with male sagacity, "’wife’ is the desi daal-chawal we love, but it is too homely before marriage! A flambĂ© sizzler gets the juices flowing!"

How mamma takes to the "sizzler" bit might be another story!

(All incidents quoted are real life experiences & not fictitious.)
Nisha JamVwal
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