Suchitra Krishnamoorthi on love, life, divorce, sex and infidelity

When Life Has Other Plans

In Conversation with Suchitra Krishnamoorti

By

Nisha JamVwal 

Sometimes dreams don't realize in the happily ever after way that you had imagined

When you drove away into the sunset you hadn't imagined the real texture of life. It can grate yes. I know all about it. You come out of it all feeling short changed, shocked and disoriented. You get up in the night with palpitations and anxiety attack, wondering how it all went wrong. 

Which of us hasn’t faced disappointment, hurt and loneliness? Feeling short changed. And yet nearly no one actually owns up to real world ‘embarrassing’ feelings of anti-climatic disenchantment.

In her book Suchitra speaks candidly about her life and lack of sex, and how it drove her to depression. She tells of her desire to get married and her urge for some physical love from a man, sans which, life can be most unexciting even for a woman. What led to all this?............

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Cheating, Infidelity & After

Is a human being meant to be monogamous or is polygamy the natural way that man was to be? 

“'Infidel' is a term of reproach, which people, in their modesty, agree to apply to those who differ from them” Thomas Henry Huxley

What is infidelity? 

Was a human being intended to be with one person in a relationship 'until death do us apart'? 

Is infidelity an aberration or should the spouse just look the other way and move forward pretending like they didn't know , should a partner indulge in some attention toward the opposite sex ? 

Should a partner  look at a few dalliances and a sexual tryst outside of their sacred bond as a breakdown of the relationship or as a once off, twice off diversion that should not be given cognizance? Is it normal to be in other ‘friendships’ in a relationship that spans a lifetime?

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Complexities Of Mother Daughter Love Hate Relationships

Everything mother said might have been true. I should not have freaked every time my boyfriend had looked, spoken, breathed toward another girl. Yes I definitely looked better with black eyeliner. And true, journalism and writing was my forte. But it was how she said it that probably made me buck and want to do the exact opposite. 


A little anecdote- I remember giving my mother a Nancy Friday book on mother daughter relationships at the young age of 10 hoping she'd pick up some tips on mothering!!! (So much for presumptiousness!!!!!!)


From the other side of the fence today, I see my friends struggling with their daughters, challenge and spat-ing with their mums and unable to deal with the barrage of ‘feedback’ meted out to them.

Oscar film ‘Black Swan’ it was that set me thinking about obsessive mothers commonly known as the helicopter mothers that mastermind their children's every move, living their frustrated and thwarted dreams through their children, imposing and obsessing over their every move and achievement that the mother had failed to achieve. 
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Older Women seek younger Lovers.......Aishwarya Bachchan, Madonna, Anjali Tendulkar, Farah Khan's happily ever after!

Older woman seek younger guy relationships!
Younger Man Older Woman Romances, do they work?
@nishjamvwal

Demi More at forty two may have been the poster girl for the older woman younger man (Ashton was twenty seven) syndrome in relationships, and while it didn't turn out successful the bug is catching fire all over the world. 

One-sixth of women in their fifty's, date men  in their forty's and thirty’s and  almost one-third of women between ages 40 and 69 are dating  the more flexible younger men who draw them probably because of that sense of adventure of the more spontaneous, younger men? 

And this equation seems to be working- Aishwarya Rai at 37 is older than Abhishek Bachchan, and Anjali Tendulkar at 44 is much older than her famous cricketer husband Sachin Tendulkar. 

Behind the unleashing of cougars in pop culture is what a growing number of sociologists say is a real demographic shift. In India I think young men these days 'go' for older woman because the 'virginity' bogey has quite evaporated. Situations such as this only  truly happen when one is not looking for it, since the mind was programmed along conventional lines. And then forbidden fruit is always tempting. 

When Bollywood actor Saif married Amrita Singh,  a certain behavior was treated as unacceptable. Over time, views became more liberal and it became acceptable to people. 

But most of all i think it begins as a casual idea of a 'thrill' or challenge  on both sides, untrammeled by the need for commitments of  permanency until things by their own momentum get too deep & intense.

The Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, reports that couples don't care about 
the gap , only the outside world does. It states that the men are more strongly drawn to to older women because of their sexual expertise, lack of inhibition and after all the idea of a woman who is sexually knowledgeable and passionate is very attractive to a man who gets more hesitant interactions and conditional sexual access from younger women.. 


The Young Sex Drive
Research shows that these women often display formidable sexual prowess and younger men are drawn by the promise of what they have to offer between the sheets. What starts with a physical attraction turns into something intense with the appeal of that confident, assured air about older women.  She doesn't need constant assurance about how she looks, or doesn't require you to stroke her ego. 

Older women tend to bring a wealth of experience with them, both in matters of the head and heart and expectations of a relationship tend to be less complicated, more focused on the emotions and comfort of being together. 

They've been-there-done-that, and can sometimes offer valuable advice to a younger beau on how to conduct himself socially and also in a difficult work situation, or even a career move.

  So do these relationships work? While psycho-analysts do seem to be speaking in favor of this shift,   

I can vouch for the success of those I have witnessed. Unless there is an agenda like monetary reasons a man latches onto a more successful woman older by few years, it is successful more often than not. 

The thing is , any relationship, even a friendship based on agendas and selfishness is bound to crumble, age or no age difference.


 My friend Sonali went  into a younger man  trepidation- "He is a model, he is so attractive..." ten years down they are happy as ever, married with a son. 

The film 'Prime' was a great story of how it works and why! Jehangir the Moughul,  the famous Egyptian queen Cleopatra- annals if examined present many examples of successful older women who make an interested and interesting match with a younger lover.

Nisha JamVwal

Printed in & For Deccan Chronicle & Asian Age