Sugar
and Spice and all Things Nice?
Recently
I came across a case of separation for reasons that were jaw-dropping strange! As
I heard out this friend the case got curiouser and curiouser!! “Rishi,
let me get this clear", I asked, "You broke up because she
was just too darn nice and too much a wifey little thing?" He took great
verbosity and some time to get across what seemed an oxymoron when we’re
speaking matrimony! "You
This difference is the romantically stimulating-desirable girl as opposed to the
caring-too-much girl, and the latter in a suffocating kind of way of being
fussed upon. I’d never have believed it, but there is a situation where being
loved too much can also be a problem!? Seemingly so!
“Listen,
there needs to be some fun and flair, and a little playful space. Even
uncertainty that makes for pizazz. Quit the blandness lady. I think I prefer
celebratory champagne over the goody-goody glass of milk.” Candid he was and it
was then that a well-known saying came to my mind- “nice girls finish last’!
Click to Read On-
Accommodating
and most of all that ‘too much of a "wife-thing" and a man can feel
like a “dog on a leash!" Which meant -he felt the pressure of being
domesticated already. It seemed to even take the edge off from flirtation - the
most charming time before being tied down. The very acquiescing, accommodating , and agreeing nature of the steady girlfriend even brought blandness to the
relationship that made the comparison of milk to a heady whiskey seem apt!
Its
quite clear to me now. Man or woman, when fussed upon too much, end up feeling
hemmed in by so much over-agreement. It puts them on tenterhooks about doing, saying,
suggesting anything. That they are not quite themselves and almost do not enjoy
being with their loved ones on a one-to-one. My friend here even seemed to
resent the copyrighted smugness that took over with this air at undue
domestication. If he was in a group she took on the role of his official
hostess and busied about his space.
The
spice of a tiff, that thrill of making up after some playful light-heartedness,
exciting "hunt", some "chase" that a partner enjoys in the challenge
of getting the girl or man is missing! Of course after marriage the mind-set
is familiar and accepting of domesticity to a greater degree. Naturally, all
these things are individual things, and as they say "one man's food….etc."
but one can perhaps understand that anything - even a good thing can be a bit
much. As the French say -a bit "de trop".
It's
wiser to tread a path where one is not unappreciated for good endeavors and is
not taken for granted, or worse resented. Too much of a good thing can be too
much. A toss of the coiffured hair and a naughty backward smile- and tell the
gent where he gets off. - Way to go girl!! He may even come chasing
behind!
At the end, I think every one must be their own self. After all, each relationship
is an individual equation and one size certainly doesn’t fit all! If a girl
likes being the "wifey" model -sure be that because there's the man
out there who will love you for it but remember there are greater chances of
being taken for granted if you are too giving without receiving too. The art of
being a giver and a taker.
Or
as his very married friend added with male sagacity, "’ wife’ is the desi daal-chawal
we love, but it is too homely before marriage! A flambé sizzler gets the juices
flowing!"
How
mamma takes to the "sizzler" bit might be another story!
(All
incidents quoted are real-life experiences & not fictitious.)
Nisha
JamVwal
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Nisha at @nishjamvwal
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